Funerals....a tool?

In our home funerals are a vital tool to the development of our children.  Why?  Funerals are a place where the plan of salvation and the purpose of life are played out over and over.  Let me explain.

Since the time my children were babies I have taken my children to funerals often.  We live in a small, rural town.  I grew up in this small, rural town.  There is not a lot of people moving in and out.  Therefore we have a relationship to most of the people in this town.  Often when there is a death it someone I have known my entire life. 

I have mentioned before that my husband worked a lot when our children were younger.  If I wanted to go to a funeral I was going to have to take the children with me.  So in the beginning I took our children because it was really my only option. 

Through the years I have started gaining a greater appreciation for them.  I have recognized them as a teaching tool.  My children have attended funerals of the young and old, the tragic and the expected,  LDS and non-LDS.  They have learned that not everyone believes like they do.  They have heard Catholic mass and born-again pulpit pounders.  They have witnessed funerals were families have had the firm assurance that their loved one will live again.  They have also seen the heartbreak in families where there is no belief in a glorious resurrection.  This has been a marvelous time for them to feel the spirit and have their beliefs confirmed.  They are not afraid of death.  They are not afraid to morn with those that morn.

Some time along my life here I was appointed to the "unofficial funeral committee."  When possible and when appropriate our children have assisted me with the family funeral dinners.  They have learned how to communicate with those in the grieving process and learned how they can serve them.

The physical or side benefits that have occurred as I've tried to instill in them a testimony in the plan of salvation and provided opportunities for them to fulfill their baptismal covenants are plentiful.  The main item  is that I relish the times that my children have to sit still for long periods of times in clothes that are uncomfortable.  Kids won't ever hold still unless you make them, and provide amble opportunities for them to practice.  So funerals are an excellent opportunity to practice sitting still!  This is important discipline for their entire life. 

They also learn that life isn't about them.  They are about life.  Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.  Sometimes it's hot.  Sometimes the benches are hard.  Sometimes life is sad.

I have been chastised from many that I bring my kids to funerals.  That it's not fair to them to have to sit through a long meeting.  That they shouldn't be exposed to the death side of life. 

I say my children will never become great unless I expect hard things out them.

"I'm Bored Mom."

How many times have you heard that?  The book, Last Child in the Wood: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv explores boredom and how we need to use it to get our children back outside.

Today boredom is an epidemic.  Children are leading a life of being entertained constantly.  The author talks about how the concept of boredom didn't begin to develop until the nineteen century.  He shares how a historian researched the concept of boredom from medieval times.  If someone displayed the symptoms of what we now call boredom they were thought to be committing a sin in what they described as a "dangerous form of spiritual alienation" and were devaluing of the world and its creator.  Of note though was that since the concept of boredom didn't exist neither did the concepts of "interesting, thrilling or exciting." (There must be opposition in all things). When labor-saving machinery, the valuing of the individual and the pursuit of happiness arrived on planet Earth the emotional state of boredom was born. 

Boredom is good though! It forces a child to make a choice.  What are they going to do now?  In the past I gave my children to big of a range of ideas; mostly all entertainment based.  However as I've applied the "headgate" principles, which would be limiting all entertainment options, the child will be forced to use their creativity.  When bored Louv says they will, "turn to a book, built a fort, pull out the paints and create, or come home sweaty from a game of neighborhood basketball."  Boredom creates an opportunity!  As I have dropped the lopsided amount of entertainment out of our lives I have noticed that my children play outside more, read more, work on their musical instruments and sketch more.

I have a friend that always tells her children, "I am not your entertainment committee."  I think this is more important counsel than I've realized.  I seem bombarded with ideas that if I want to be a good parent I should take them to the movies, provide video games, hand held video games, trips to the mall, videos, excesses clothing, diversity of friends and play dates, amusement parks, organized sports, etc.  I believe the reduction (or absence) of such makes me a good parent.  (see note below)

My children don't need to be provided with everything at their whim.  How will this prepare them to be a responsible adult?  Why would they want to even be an adult? (Read this book: Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax for more on that topic).

I give us all permission to allow our children to be bored. When they are bored suggest they go outside.  Allow them stare at worms and bugs, birds and clouds and feel the sunshine. They will think great thoughts and feel peace because they are in nature, God's creation.


I have had to create new rules and guidelines for their lives now that I've "pulled the plug." When we drive somewhere they are able to bring a book, notebook or their sketchbook.  However, unless we are traveling a far distance, we will not watch movies or listen to books.  (Driving four hours down to Utah isn't far enough for me).  I tell them to look out the window and think deep thoughts; look at the country side, see the animals and vegetation.  When my children were all little I would play games with them.  I would ask them what animals we were seeing, what crops we passed and what color of cars we saw.  I would ask them any questions I could to get them to observe their surroundings and to keep them from screaming and fighting with each other.  I want them to learn about the world because they see it and experience it.  Not just because they see pictures in a book or saw it on television.

As a side note; we are driving in my husband's old car a lot now because it has better gas mileage then the suburban.  They actually have to touch each other now and it has been WWIII.  Who knew 3 boys could get into so many fights on the way to town (45 minutes) for groceries?  Guess what though?  I'm going to drive the car EVERY WHERE I can now until they learn to get along! It is not an excuse for me to say, "Driving with three boys is just too hard.  I think I'll buy handheld game systems or MP3 players so they can pass the time."  No way! This is a call to arms.  I am not caving in and letting them entertain their way through life!  They have to be responsible, hard working, non-entertainment based kids that will be prepared to usher in the Savior and the Second Coming.  I will be a mother who knows that entertainment is not the answer to my frazzeledness.

The examples I provided were simply examples.  Please do not take anything personally.  I am sure all of the things I listed can be valuable if used in the right circumstances.  Please do not be offended if you allow your children to watch a show in the car when you go run errands or that going to an amusement park is bad.    I provided examples to the principle of boredom and those were things I have personally reflected on.

"When the Lord Commands"

Recently I have been frustrated with myself as I have reflected on my efforts to obey counsel from the Lord.  Why is it so hard to obey some of the commandments while others are easy?  Why does it seem so overwhelming sometimes to be good? 

In contemplation I reread Elder Carlson's recent talk entitled, "When the Lord Commands."  In speaking of our inability to keep the commandments we may some times do three things.  The first is that we say that the commandment does not apply to me.  His second thought was that we convince ourselves that the commandment is not important. His final observation was that perhaps we don't keep a commandment because it is just too hard.  Mmm. Yeah. Ouch.

In evaluation I've concluded that I've progressed through each excuse with great participation in them.  The last several months has seen me mastering the third; it's just too hard.  I need to interject that sometimes we as women have a tendency to really beat ourselves up for not being perfect and for not being able to do everything we want to do.  Then after a thorough thrashing to our self-worth we go to the other extreme and say that God doesn't really expect us to do so much and so we can be excused out of these activities.  I have done that.  It helps me feel better about myself.  It's how I rationalize myself back to the place in my mind where I can believe God loves me.

I've been missing a couple of points though. 

1. God's love is of course unconditional, regardless of my obedience.
2. God doesn't expect me to be perfect, but He expects me to keep trying.
3. When I fall short I'm still expected to repent.
4. And then I'm are expected to go forward in faith believing that God will pave the way.
5. I've forgotten to have hope.  Hope that I can do it. 
6. Lest I forget, God will not give me any commandment that I can not keep.

Elder Carlson said,

"At times we may rationalize that the Lord will understand our disobedience because our special circumstances make adherence to His laws difficult, embarrassing, or even painful."

Then Elder Carlson adds the hope and promise,

"However, faithful obedience regardless of the apparent size of the task will bring the Lord's guidance, assistance, and peace."

So what is faithful obedience and how to I do it?  For me the first step of faithful obedience means I make a plan.  My spiritual plan.  How am I going to do this?  Where have my hold-ups been?  How can I overcome them?  I ponder a lot.  I write my plan down.  I make step by step goals; small, short-term goals and long-term goals.  Then on to the physical creation.  This step as two parts.  A favorite quote from President Brigham Young reads,

"Pray as if every depends on God and then work as if everything depends on you." 

Elder Carlson goes on to say,

 "Obedience to the Lord's comments provides us confidence in our chosen path, qualifies us for His guidance and direction as we pursue our efforts, and offers us the potential to become like our Savior, Jesus Christ, and return to our Father's presence."

To be a mother who knows I will be steadfast and immovable in keeping the commandments of God.   As I strive to keep the commandments I will excercise "faithful obedience" and then I will be a mother who also knows Christ.

Planting a Sunflower House

I am currently reading Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder by Rochard Louv.  This is a great read in motivating us as parent to get our children back outside and into nature.  The book contains many ideas to help encourage this.  One idea that they suggesting was to "plant a sunflower house."  I think even I can manage this gardening project.  Here is how the book reads,

"A unique gardening project is the sunflower house.  In an eight-by-eight foot square, parents and kids can plant sunflower seeds or seedlings in a shallow moat, alternating varieties that grow about eight fee high with ones that grow to four feet.  You can also plant a few corn plants among the sunflowers; corn discourages Carpophilus beetles, and the sunflowers protect the corn from army worms.  Inside, plant a carpet of white clover.  As a child plays within the containing protection of the sunflower house, bees, butterflies, and other insects will congregate at the blooms above.  Plant seeds of indigenous pollinating plants that provide nectar as well as roosting and nesting sites, and also help increase the number of pollinating birds and insects.  This activity can strengthen interrupted pollination corridors and help reestablish the migration paths of butterflies and hummingbirds; and your child can become a participant in the winged migration, not just an observer." Last Child in the Woods: Saving our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv pg.173-174.

I think this would be a fabulous science project!

Face Cards?

Three times in the last month my children have had to turn down playing face cards with their friends.  My younger kids didn't even know what they were.  Leader asked permission before he played them because he didn't know.  When he told his friend, "no thanks," his friend was quite upset and berated him about it.  We've never had face cards in our home.  So we've had to talk about it.  Here's our story....

Early in our marriage my husband and I were given counsel to not have face cards in our home.  That was a new concept to us.  We'd both enjoyed playing cards when we were little with our grandparents.  Rummy and Kings on the Corner were favorite games.  Those were some of our fondest memories with our grandparents.  So we did some research and found this quote in Mormon Doctrine,

"President Joseph F. Smith has stated the position of the Church with reference to card playing in these words:

"Card playing is an intoxicating and therefore, in the nature of a vice.  It is generally the companion of the cigaret and wine glass.....A deck of cards in the hands of a faithful servant of God is a satire upon religion...Those who thus indulge are not fit to administer in sacred ordinance...The bishops are charged with the responsibility for the evil and it is their duty to see that it is abolished...No man who is addicted to card playing should be called to act as a ward teacher.....Card playing is a game of chance and because it is a game of chance it has its tricks.  It encourage tricks....(Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed., pp. 328-332) 

"Members of the Church should not belong to bridge or other type of card clubs, and they should neither play cards nor have them in their homes.  By cards is meant, of course, the spotted face cards used by gamblers.  To the extent that church members play cards they are out of harmony with their inspired leaders.  Innocent non-gambling games played with other types of cards, except for the wast of time in many instances, are not objectionable."  Mormon Doctrine, Bruce R. McConkie, 2nd edition, under 'card playing' pg. 112-113.

That is some very strong language!  I remember when we read that, which was after counsel to not play them, we said, "okay!"  We were young and newly married and we wanted desperately to obey in everything we could.  Since then we've never thought much about it.  We just didn't have them and we didn't play them.  Every once in a while we would hear it mentioned as counsel, but it was something that wasn't mentioned much.

So the point.  It seems silly you know? Are times different now?  Are face cards not as threatening as they were then?  I don't know.  But I know this.  If it's another way that I can bring the Spirit in more fully to my home then sign me up!!!  And for us it was really easy to give up cards. Really.  We've never thought about it since.  (Expect when Leader was accosted by a six year old to play "Go Fish" with face cards I guess).   So it's like a freebie.  Give up the cards and get the spirit a little more.  In the process I have thought, "I am sure hoping that some of the other vices (that aren't near as easy for me to give up) that I have can have some grace (aka extra help) bestowed." 

I am trying to review the counsel I have been given to see if there are things that I can be more obedient in.  So the more I can live the gospel and keep the commandments the more I can have the Spirit. And the more I have the Spirit the more I can be a mother who knows.

Teaching the Scriptures

I am repeatedly asked by people I know how do my children know their scriptures so well.  I am particularly questioned by their primary teachers.  I'm told they know not just the basic story, but they know everything before and everything after.  The teachers comment that they know details that most people don't know. 

I haven't been the world's most consistent parent, but we have been consistent on the scriptures.  As a youth I learned to love the scriptures and Mr. Patriot is  a lover and student of the scriptures also.  Teaching our children to learn to immerse themselves in the scriptures as always been a top priority.  We have always had family home evening (FHE) and we have always taught them out of the scriptures. 

So here are some things that we have done through the years:

1. When they were babies/toddlers for FHE we would show them the scripture art kit pictures and read and tell them story after story.  (This is a great book available now).
2. For bedtime stories we would read them the scripture readers for part of their bedtime stories.  I have no idea how many times we read those.
3. Regardless of their age "family scripture study" always meant reading the real scriptures.  We exposed them early and regularly to the language of the scriptures.  We have read them all the standard works (except the Old Testament) several times.  Over and over we went.
4. Once they got out of the toddler stage Family Home Evening became about teaching dotrince.  Character training or scripture stories were done during other times of the day or the beginning of FHE.  The lesson however is always teaching them doctrine.  I learned not to underestimate what they can understand as young as four or five.
5. When I taught them to read they learned how to read out of the scriptures first, the McGuffey reader second.  When they were a little more independent their first readers were the scriptures readers.  I have one child, Determination, who has read the readers cover to cover dozens of times.
6. I taught them the songs, "The Books of the Old Testament," "Books of the New Testament," Books of the Book of Mormon," "Follow the Prophet," "Book of Mormon Stories extra verses," and "'Latter-day Prophets."  (to name a few) These songs have helped them to find scriptures easier and quicker.  They are great scripture chasers.  When they hear some one say Micah for instance they know instantly they are talking about the Old Testament.  If someone says Mormon they know it is after the story of Alma the Younger.
7. They each have time lines for the scriptures.  Every time we learn about someone  or event we see what year it was and how much earlier of later they were the some else we may of just learned about.  The Old Testament timeline is especially useful for sorting out the prophets and kings in the Kingdom of Israel and the Kingdom of Judah.  We've spend many hours trying to memorize who goes where.
8. We talk history.  I remember one morning a couple of weeks ago we sat after breakfast and had nearly a two hour discussion/lesson on teaching them how to sort through the time period of King Mosiah/Benjamin/Mosiah and Zeniff/Noah/Limhi that was occurring simultaneously as well as the Lamanite involvement in both cities/kingdoms.  The Book of Mosiah can get pretty confusing.  So we discuss at legth the history of what we are reading.
9. We always use a map to put it in perspective. We have also taught them how to use the index, topical guide, Bible dictionary, table of contents, foot notes, cross references, and the maps.
10. Questions.  We always ask questions before we read the scriptures.   For example last night at FHE one of the scriptures I read was in 3 Nephi 27.  I asked, "If it is 3 Nephi 27 who do we know would be speaking ?' Another scripture I read was in John 2.  I asked, "If it is John 2 when in Christ's ministry can we know this is taking place?"
11. Application.  After every scripture we say, "How does this apply to you personally?  How does this apply to our family?"
12. Each family member is expected to read their scriptures everyday.  They also know they can ask us any questions  so they have  understanding. I ask them nearly every day to narrate back to me what they learned from their personal scripture study.

I love the scriptures.  I believe that it is one of our most important duties as "Mothers Who Know" to be teaching our children how to study them deeply and find personal application in their lives. 

Choosing Happiness

Many years ago I was a young, overwhelmed mother.  (Because now I'm an old, in-control mom?)  I had four little babies.  Have I mentioned that our oldest was still three when our fourth was born?  Needless to say there was lots of dirty diapers, lots of sleepless nights, lots of laundry, lots of car seats and lots of crying (by me).  I was so overwhelmed, so sad, so lonely, so depressed and of course my husband was never home, he was working hard to pay for the diapers.

I remember many nights as all of them (okay maybe just a couple, it seemed like all of them) were screaming at 10 o'clock at night and they wouldn't go to bed.  I was exhausted and like I said my husband wasn't home.  How is a mom suppose to find peace, holiness and exceedingly great joy in motherhood at times like that?  Let me interject here and say young mothers have and will always have a place in my heart.  Such a hard time.

When I had half a firing brain cell I would try to ponder some deep message from the scriptures.  Peace, how do I get it?  Happiness, what is that? Joy in motherhood, how is the world is that possible?  The only thing I knew to keep doing was to keep going through the motions and pray for a miracle.  "Help me to survive this Heavenly Father."

When the last baby was one (I was happy to have made it to this point unhospitalized), we took our first family vacation! Hoot hoot! We went to  Salt Lake City.  We enjoyed the Hoogle Zoo, The This is the Place Monument and Temple Square.  I had also become privy to the knowledge that Heber C Kimball's cemetery was just a block northwest of Temple Square.  I loved Heber C Kimball.  He was my great, great, great grandfather.  I'd read his biography several times.  So we went to see it.

I remember opening the little gate and waking into the cemetery.  The Spirit was so overwhelming.  This was a hallowed place!  I learned that there were over twenty other people buried there including Newel K. Whitney.  I sat there and basked in the overwhelming feeling of the Spirit.  I dared to ask, "Heavenly Father what would you have me do?"  The instant, sudden answer was, "I want you to be happy."  Whoa! That was not what I was expecting!  How in the world was that to be?  "How?" I asked.  The answer was again swift, "Choose to be."  That was it.  It was that simple.

Because it was such an overwhelming experience I decided that I would act on faith.  I would do it.  I would try with all my young mom frazzled heart to try to be happy.  I began to choose to be happy when they dumped the garbage all over the kitchen.  I choose to be happy when they were wide awake at 3 AM.  I choose to be happy when they were all screaming while I put them all in their car seats to go grocery shopping.  I choose to be happy when they threw up all over their clothes for the third time that day.  I choose to be happy when they told me, "no."  And guess what happened?  I slowly, very slowly began to be happy, really happy.  It was a process.  I was determined to exercise all my faith and the miracle happened.  I begin to have joy in my children.  I began to happy I was a mother.  And the peace came.

A year or two later I went back to the cemetery and again felt that overwhelming sense of peace.  I proudly stood there and knew that I was happy.  I felt a rush of peace from the Spirit that I had obeyed.  It really was that simple.

Since then I have pondered on this.  In Doctrine in Covenants 88: 32-33 it says,

"They shall return to their own place to enjoy that which they are willing to receive, because they were not willing to enjoy that which they might have received.  For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift?"

I had to learn to recognize the gifts that God had given me.  I had a very loving and supportive husband, I had a temple marriage, I had a supportive extended family,  I had the restored gospel, I had the scriptures, the constant companionship of the Spirit, and I had four beautiful, healthy children.  I had been given a lot.  I however, had spent my time feeling picked on, lonely, whinny, abandoned, and martyred. 

 The scriptures teach us that,

"fruit of the tree is desirable to make one happy" (1 Nephi 8:10),
"those who keep the commandments ...shall dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness" (Mosiah 2:41),
"those whose works are good reap eternal happiness" (Alma 3:26),
 "wickedness never was happiness" (Alma 41:10).

I was keeping the commandments and partaking of the fruit of the word of God.  Therefore I was entitled to the blessings of happiness promised in the Scriptures. The Lord is bound. (D&C 82:10) I needed to learn how to to let my picked on, whiny self go and accept that I could be happy despite being overwhelmed.  I had to choose to accept God's love and the happiness he wanted to give me.  His gift to me. I know that if I choose to count my blessings and choose to be happy God will give it to me.

FHE Redo Idea

This week I have been  preparing a "station" for Primary Activity Days about Jonah and the whale.  I've been reading the book of Jonah over and over thinking about what message I wanted to share and how to convey it. 

The thought came to me that Jonah did a "redo."  He was asked to do something, he did it wrong, he went in time out for three days, and then he decided to redo and obey what God had asked him to do.  I also noted that God didn't berate him for his bad choice but he had him redo what he had asked him. That of course is an overly simplistic version .  I hope no one is offended that I said he went in time-out by the way.

I was just thinking that if you wanted to implement the redo in your family that you could first teach a Family Home Evening lesson about Jonah and share how he had to do a redo (or try again, etc).  You could then go over your guidelines for redos and share that you will be implementing them from now on.  Ask them if they have any questions.  I would also do some role plays to help them visualize and practice them. 

If you already do the redo maybe sharing the story of Jonah could help them see some more application.

Anyway just some thoughts.

Family Work

This essay was written by me on a previous blog this spring.

In my pursuit of truth I have really found something beautiful in The Heatgates article. There were many things in this article that have been impactful. I'm grateful for other people who are pursuing truth and are willing to share it.

I haven't been all that good at administering family work in the past. Sure I've had the required "chore charts" that all good mothers must have and they take their turn doing the dishes. Yes, they clean their room, but they really weren't working. After reading the Headgates article I realized that I need to get them to work "their little britches off" to quote Lara Gallagher.

So we made a few changes. It's been over a month now so I feel like I can report on this little exercise. So far the results have been.................life changing. That sounds a little extreme but really they have been. Today, for example, I asked my 10 year son, who had already been cleaning for an hour, to go clean all the doors in the house and I showed him how. He said, "Sure mom, no problem." Not only did he clean them, but he really cleaned them and didn't fake his way through. I asked him how he was doing part way through and he said, "Good, but I can't get this part of that door clean. I'm really sorry. What would you like me to do about it?" Then when he was done he came and "returned and reported" that he had completed his assignment and what was his next assignment. That would not have happened two months ago. He would have been rolling on the floor with a fit in a wave of hysteria with the cries of, "How dare I ask him to do that and what was he anyway, my slave?" That sounds kind of sassy though and he's never been sassy, but he would have been desperately in the depths of despair to do any sort of work.

So how did this happen?

First I made my plan. How were we going to clean this house, what work would we do and when? That was what I call the “spiritual creation” step.

Then I sat the kids down and explained the game plan. I told them that we would now be doing two hours of family work every morning together as a family. I explained to them what would be expected of them. That it was work time and not play time. Anyone caught outside fighting with their sticks or inside hiding under the ping pong table reading a book would get 5 minutes per infraction in the corner administered during free time. I also told them what the blessings and benefits would be if they submitted to our work schedule (see below). I call this marvelous principle the “teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.” I rarely have problems with my kids when I do new things or take away toys. I've always explained why until they understand and then they just accept the new plans.

Then we went to work. Every morning with out fail we have worked for two hours. We've have deep cleaned this house inside and out. They are learning specific jobs and they are getting very good at them. Leader can now successfully be turned loose on cleaning the toilets for example. We've also been doing a lot of food preparation. I've made a lot of bread with them and other provident living food items. They must always report back to me when they are finished with a job. We usually work in the same area so they are close. This phase is of course affectionately called,”working their little britches off. “

I must comment first on the problem we are having. We have run out of things to clean. Sure we can clean the toilets, dust, clean windows, etc but that only lasts so long when there are so many able bodies available reporting for duty. They are also getting quicker with their jobs (not to mention there is less grime they are removing because we are staying up on everything). I don't like doing meaningless things so I'm starting to struggle with what do to fill up the time. We've had a month long wind storm happening so we have only been able to work outside twice. I'm hoping though when it gets nice we will work a lot outside and we have more then enough projects on our newly acquired 80 acres.

One idea that I've come up with is that we will make mass food (casseroles?) and freeze it in small serving sizes and then on other days we will go visit the elderly. I think this will be a great opportunity. They can learn core principles of keeping their baptismal covenants and learning some cooking skills all at the same time. I think we will also do some more home industries as my friend suggested. I want to do meaningful things that are making them into better people.

Now to the best part. Those blessings. First off my kids have learned that they can work hard, have fun and still be happy. I've learned that I can have my kids work hard, have fun and still be happy. I think the latter lesson has been the most valuable.

Perhaps the most amazing thing I've found is that my kids think deeply when they work. They are asking profound questions. They ask me questions about the book we are reading, a question about current events or even a question they had when they were reading their scriptures. These questions have sparked an amazing journey of discovery for them as we discuss things that will build character for their whole lives. I see them thinking. I see them changing. I see them becoming.

As a mother I could ask for nothing more.

Family Goal Setting

This was published on my previous blog.

I thought I would share a little ritual our family engages in every morning. Each morning, before we read family scriptures and practice our weekly scripture memorization, we review our weekly goals.

On Monday morning each family member sets from 1 to 3 goals. These goals are of the individuals own choosing. Goals set this week included:

• Read one chapter in Robinson Crusoe

• Practice the piano every day for 30 minutes

• Work on 4 and 5 multiplication tables

• Schedule swimming lessons

• Order more campaign banners

Sometimes we have to guide some one on a goal. We might ask them to be more specific. Then each day we review the goals with them. They don't have to report on their progress we just read and remind. At the end of the week we tally up how many goals were completed. Then we add that many beans to our bean counter jar. (Recipe ingredient from Thomas Jefferson Education). When our bean jar is full we will do a "wholesome family activity."

We find that this creates unity as each family member is encouraging each other’s progress. If someone struggled to obtain a goal we work with them on how to set a more realistic goal for the next week. We only accomplish about 2/3 of our goals in a week. But we each continue to work on and improve. We aren't interested in perfection only progression.

I also wanted to add that I know that "goal setting" is typically considered a scholar (or older youth/adult) activity. However each person pursues goals based on their phase (or grade/age). We use phases in our family. Leader, who is still solidly in core (with no intention of leaving anytime soon!), sets goals like: brush my teeth at night, take a bath every night, do my jobs without whining, etc. His goals are very much "core phase" goals. Determination and Imagination's are directed towards love of learning goals. Liberty makes scholar goals; read 100 pages in 1776, write an essay about Dolly Madison, answer questions from my mentor about Plutarch, etc. Mine revolve around Mentored Scholar/Depth. And finally Mr. Patriot's revolve around Mission phase; read incumbents voting record on public education and the economy, create an 'issues page' for campaign website, practice speech, reread Proper Role of Government, etc.

We have been successfully engaging in goal setting as a family since January and have found that it is a worthwhile part of our family time.

The Redo

I am a lover of the parenting technique the redo.  I'm not sure where I ever heard it to begin with, but I have since read about in Charlotte Mason's Original Works.  Miss Mason talks extensively in her books about habit formation (which I am certain I will continue to post about).  In regards to habits she says,

"The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; while she who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children." Home Education, Volume 1, page 136.

I think redos are the perfect way to help our children get into the habit of good behavior and good work effort.  What is a redo?  A redo is when a child does something incorrectly and you ask them to redo it the right way.  For example, if a child talks back to me I ask him to redo it and talk correctly to me.  If a child doesn't wipe off the table to his/her ability we will say, "please redo the table."  If a child gets angry and hits his brother I say, "That's not appropriate.  Please redo the situation and deal with it appropriately.  Would you like some suggestions on how you can redo it appropriately?"

Redos can be done for any poor behavior, any sloppy house work, any sloppy math assignment, etc.  I especially hammer in on the whining.  If they whine when I ask them to do some something I tell them I want them to redo that.  So I'll say again, "Leader I need you to change the laundry."  Then instead of whining Leader says, "Yes, Mom."  (Actually Leader loves doing the laundry).

We do redos in our house ALL day long.  In the six plus months we have implemented them the behavior in our house has DRASTICALLY improved.  Where has the redo been my whole parenting life?

There have also been times as parents where we have also said, "I am going to redo that.  I didn't say that right."  We have had whole conversations where the parent and the child have redone it. I think our kids respect us more when we admit and work on our faults too.

Q: What if your child won't do a redo?
A: In the beginning we had one particular child that refused or would go mute.  We gave them one opportunity to redo the situation.  If they wouldn't redo it we sent them to their room (or the corner).  They had to stay there until they would redo it.  (This would also imply that there were no toys in their room.  So if there are toys perhaps telling them they can only lie on their bed or you can send them to the corner).  I haven't had a problem with a redo since the very beginning.  They didn't like getting sent to their room and they quickly decided that it was easier to just redo it right away and get it over with. 

Q: My child doesn't understand how to redo it?
A: Sometimes we either have a short discussion and offer suggestions on how to redo it and then we role play the situation again.  Or I may role play the situation for them to begin with and then they model me and redo it themselves.

Q: Do you do redos in front of other people?
A: Sometimes.  It depends on who they are.  If they are close family members or friends we do.  Usually I'll take them to the side and quickly discuss what went wrong in the situation.  Our children respond very well to redos and are more than willing to correct their behavior now.

Q: Aren't there times when you just let a poor behavior go because it's inconvenient and you don't want to ride them all day.
A: No.  My job is to teach them all the time, not just when I'm well rested and in a good mood.  The redo is never done angrily or disrespectfully so the child doesn't feel like they are being "ridden."  Also in real life there is no time during the day when poor behavior should be allowed.  Just because we or our children are tired or hungry doesn't mean we have a license to be ill behaved.

I love redos and they have changed my parenting life for the good.  I wish I had known about them years ago.  I hope they can be a blessing that you can adapt to your life.

Positive Journaling

When I was 12 or 13 years old I remember being taught a lesson in Sunday School about the importance of journal writing. I was told that it was a commandment. I recall the lesson had several quotes by Spencer W. Kimball. Here is a quote that is similar to the thoughts I remember from that Sunday lesson:

"I have encouraged the Saints to keep personal journals and family records. I renew that admonition...From time immemorial the Lord has counseled us to be a record-keeping people...We hope you will begin as of this date. If you have not already commenced this important duty in your lives, get a good notebook, a good book that will last through time and into eternity for the angels to look upon. Begin today and write in it your goings and your comings, your deeper thoughts, your achievements, and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. We hope you will do this, our brothers and sisters, for this is what the Lord has commanded, and those who keep a personal journal are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives." President Kimball Speaks Out on Personal Journals, New Era, December 1980.

Several years ago when I was rereading some of my old journal entries I realized that I always put down how sick and tired I was. I did always feel sick and tired didn't I? I had the thought come to me that maybe I should stop writing about how sick and tired I always felt. So I did. I changed my posts to be more about looking at the positives of the day. It wasn't long before I realized that I wasn't sick and tired any more. I had become grateful and happy. Suddenly I seemed cured of all my fatigue and blazee attitudes.

Another item I have found helpful in my journal writing is not writing about inappropriate or sensitive things. I haven't written things that would shock my children should they find it and read it today. My journal won't incriminate someone else either. If I have a pressing trial that would be unnecessary for my posterity to know I simply relate to it as "a trial." Remember Paul refers to his weakness as a "thorn in his side." Paul does not go into details about his weakness(es). If it is someone else who is struggling I simply say, "someone close to be has been struggling." I then bear my testimony about what I am learning from the experience and look for the blessings and the positive aspects of it. There have always been positives in any negative experience I have had. Really. Sometimes I've had to look super hard though!

When I have passed on I don't want to have my journals edited and destroyed because it contained inappropriate things. I am certain a part of who I was would be edited out. It is enough for them and myself to know that Christ is indeed merciful and forgiving of all our weaknesses. That is who I really am. I daughter of God who believes in Jesus Christ, and hopefully my life, reflected in my journals, is showcased that way. I want my life to be about the faith I had and not about all the trials I had.

Once upon a time in my life of 35 years I was helping a friend with her genealogy work. (I have helped several people through the years).  I stumbled upon some information about my friend's ancestor who had made some bad choices. I didn't know what those choices were, I only knew that I held in my hand a piece of paper for "restoration of blessings" for this person who had been excommunicated. I quickly put it back, never told a soul and reflected. I reviewed what I knew about this man whom I had actually known. He had been a GREAT man. He was honored. If the deeds of this one transgression had been known to the world would he have been remembered for the transgression or the great life he lived? President Kimball said in the above talk,

 "Even a long life full of inspiring experiences can be brought to the dust by one ugly story. Why dwell on that one ugly truth about someone whose life has been largely circumspect?"

I have found that I have received great emotional strength from writing in my journal. In many ways it has been therapeutic in understanding some of my adventures in mortality. Journal writing as also been a way to recognize my blessings and to bear my testimony.

The Gettysburg Address

Recently the boys and I read the Gettysburg Address together. Have you ever read it? Really read it? Now this is a powerful document. This gives point to the "Classics, Not Textbooks" from the 7 Keys of Great Teaching. The boys and I had a moving experience as we talked about these powerful words, line by line.

Listen to some of these masterful words.

"...The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced...we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion..."

The whole thing is brilliant and gut wrenching. By the time we were done we were all crying. Crying for what's been done for us, crying because we must carry on with where they left off, and crying because we feel so inadequate to protect this passed on freedom. We had read truth that rang into our souls.

From there a two hour long discussion ensued about the Civil War. I narrated to them the great battles and the great heroes and what they had done. I was weaving a story for them. We talked of Joshua Chamberlain, Stonewall Jackson, Harriet Tubman, The Underground Railroad, Abraham Lincoln, Robert E Lee, Jefferson Davis, Fort Sumter, abolitionism, the south and the election of 1860. Every once in a while I'd pull up a picture of someone for them to see and for it to be real. We would look into their extinguished eyes and feel a sense of purpose and a sense of gratitude.

It is in these moments, as I tell them about heroes and history, that the tears fall and the Spirit penetrates that I feel so very blessed to have them by my side all day long and every day.

Being Someone I'm Not

The following post reflects my political views on the free lunch program. You may disagree with my views. I am hopeful that you will recognize the principle I learned and you may still find personal application as you ponder on this principle also.

Our family are conservative libertarians. We believe in limited government and state sovereignty. We believe that family sovereignty is the most fundamental unit in our country.

Every summer we have participated in two week swimming lessons in a neighboring town. After our swimming lessons every year I allowed my children to go and grab a “free lunch” provided in the city park adjacent to the swimming pool. Every time I allowed them to go get this “free lunch” I squirmed.

Why would I squirm? In the Constitution it says that I have “the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” However, no where can I find that it says that my children are also entitled to free lunch. I have been told that I pay taxes so I shouldn’t feel guilty about free lunch. However, I don’t want my taxes to go toward “free lunch.” I want my taxes to go toward our “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

It’s so much easier to let them get the free lunch though! It’s easier than packing a lunch. It’s cheaper. Little kids are whinny when they are hungry. Oh, it is so much easier. Like I said though, I squirmed every time. Have you ever done things you didn’t believe in because it was easier? I’ve reflected on this. I don’t like that I’m not being true to myself. I don’t like that I’m not being true to our family’s core values.

It is swimming lesson time AND “free lunch” time again. Day one: we are leaving town for a quick day trip to Utah to buy a car. I let them grab the lunch. Grrr. Yes, I should be the parent who packed a lunch a head of time. At 7AM that morning when I realized this I noted we were out of bread. Also, how do you pack salad?

The next day before lunch Imagination said to me, “Mom don’t you think we are supporting President Obama every time we get a free lunch.” My first quick reflex thought is, “I’ve taught you to well. Grumble. ” But I said, “Thank you Imagination. You are right. What do you think we should do?” A discussion ensued with the children and it was unanimously decided that we would no longer participate in the “free lunch” program. We decided that we will either pack our lunch or just go home.

So now we go home and eat salad and fruit which is better for us anyway. It’s not easier though. However, I no longer feel guilty anymore. I feel better.

I have learned that for me to be a “mother who knows” I need to be steadfast and immovable in the things I believe, even when it is easier to do something else. I know nothing horrible will happen if we eat free lunch, but I’m doing something I don’t believe in. I’m not true to my own principles. Since then I’ve been reflecting on what other things in my life I am participating in or am accepting of that I don’t believe in.

What is fun?

I have a couple of friends who tease me for not doing “fun” things or not liking “fun” things. I have reflected on this a lot. I have realized that over the years I no longer want/need as much entertainment. I have found there are wholesome things that will rebuild me that don’t entertain me. My needs and desires have simply changed.

I find recharge and enjoyment in:
Walking on a beach, looking for seashells, and splashing with my family in the ocean
Watching my children play in a ditch and catching water skippers
Sitting around a camp fire and talking with family and friends
Reading a book to my children on the couch
Walking through a historical site and honoring those who have gone on
Visiting the elderly with my family and singing them Primary songs
Picking up the neighbors trash that a dog knocked over with my kids
Doing “family work” together
Riding horses with my children (or usually just watching them)
Walking around Temple Square
Going to the Temple with my husband on a date
Eating watermelon on the deck with my family
Listening to my daughter Liberty sing patriotic songs while she practices for her next event

I do not find enjoyment in:
(Please do not take offense if you pursue these activities.  I'm not saying you shouldn't do them I'm only saying that I do not enjoy doing them.  Please respond to the principle that I'm discussing, not the items).

Sitting by a pool, getting sunburned and being surrounded by throngs of people in clothes that show too much skin and are constantly yelling at their kids
Standing for hours in line at an amusement park, eating food that makes me sick (from all the salt and sugar), and getting a head ache from too much sun
Reading brain candy or twaddle fiction
Going shopping for things my family doesn’t need
Sitting around eating junk food resulting in me feeling sick and bloated
Playing Wii/Play Station
Listening to the radio
Sitting on the computer and trying to “reconnect” with friends on Facebook
Playing Farmville or other on line games
Crafting
Stamping

I have come to realize that I was relying too much on the outside world to entertain me. I no longer want to be entertained. To me that means I am killing time or ‘surviving’. I want to enjoy my time. I don’t want to kill it or hurry it along. I want to be in the moment and so I need all those moments to be wholesome so I can truly appreciate my family and my friends. I want to enjoy my mortality. I want to BE.

He Knows My Name

Sometimes, when I stare up at the stars I am amazed. Spectacular! Heavenly Father and Christ organized all of this for us! I see how big the universe is and I realize how small I am. I’ve often wondered, “Does He even know my name? How can He keep track of us all?”

I have learned from the scriptures that the “worth of souls is great.” (D & C 18:10) Jeremiah was taught by God that before he gained a mortal body God knew him, sanctified  him and ordained him to be a prophet. (Jeremiah 1:5) Moses was taught that he was God’s son and God had a work for him to do. (Moses 1: 4,6) We also know that God loves us all so much that “He gave His only begotten son.” (John 3:16) God does love us and he knows us. Sometimes we may wonder, “Yes, but does He know me personally?”

Many years ago I was called to serve in a Relief Society Presidency. At our first presidency meeting our new president shared how she chose us to be her counselors. She said that after being called she went to the temple and inquired of the Lord. The Lord told her, “L. and Deanna are to be your counselors.” I was so excited! He knew my name! I know that may sound silly, but at the time I was overwhelmed with four tiny children and constantly thinking I had been lost to God upon the masses.  Having knowledge that God knew my name was such a blessing.

Since then I have learned to have faith that God does know me and He does have a plan for me. Not only does he have a plan for me, but I am living that plan each day as I keep my covenants. I have learned to recognize the times he shows His love and awareness for me. When a friend calls and says, “I’ve made lunch. Come over, I have a feeling you need cheering up.” There are also many instances that continually happen were things just work out that seem like they shouldn’t. I realize again that God is watching out for me and he is aware of me. There have also been times when I need knowledge in order to proceed with assignments, lessons, or responding to emails. When I turn to Him God does reveal the information I need to fulfill that responsibility. Observing a beautiful bird singing on a fence post while I work outside trying to beautify my inheritance further shows me God is there for me and desires to brighten my day. I am not alone.

Recently I was reminded again that God is aware of each one of us. A young neighbor friend recently appeared in my kitchen. He seemed frantic and excited. He said, “Deanna, I have it, I have my mission call!” I looked down at his trembling hands. “You’ll never guess where" he said. Now before I tell you where he is being assigned I have to tell you about my young neighbor.

A couple years ago our area was blessed to have a temple dedicated closer to us. At the time I was serving as the Young Women’s President. I was responsible to help our ward’s youth prepare for the Youth Temple Celebration the night before the temple’s dedication. Those in attendance would include the prophet and several other leaders. When we started practicing for this event nine months before my young neighbor friend was in high school and was uncertain what he believed. I remember on the day I had to finalize (months before the event) which of our youth would dance and which would not that he was still trying to decide. Did he stand for Christ and his holy temple or was he going to do something else for the summer?  It would sure have been easier to do something else.  It was hard for him. He came from a family where some members didn’t care what he did. He had several friends that were rock solid. He leaned on them and made the choice. He would participate. I watched as his testimony grew. I watched him grow happier and more confident.  I commented on his change in countenance several times to my husband.  I was so proud of him.

He had one particular friend, Justin (name changed) that was an amazing support for him. He never preached to him, he was just good and solid. My neighbor respected him and tried to emulate him. They were friends. When Justin turned in his papers for a mission my neighbor followed his example.

So here my neighbor friend stood. “Deanna, I am called to serve in the Italy Rome Mission!” (Mission place as been changed) What is special about Rome you may ask? Justin had received his mission call to Rome just four weeks early. They were going to the same place. They live two blocks apart from each other and in a town with a population of 400 people. They have known each other since birth and they are going to be sent to the same mission on the other side of the world.

Now my friend’s submission papers didn’t say, “Please send me to same place as Justin’s because I’m scared, and I’m the first son in my family to serve a mission.” But God knew. God knows what choices my friend has made and how hard he has worked to be good. God knows that he depends on Justin. God knows that his parents will be more relieved than ever to know that their son is going to be with Justin. Somehow it is just going to be okay now.

I know that God knows each of us individually. He has a plan for us. He loves us. He is there for us. I know each day He is trying to show us that He is there, but sometimes we don’t recognize it or we don’t believe. I am trying to be better at recognizing God’s awareness of me and my family each day.

Mothers Who Know Do Less....Dusting

About four months ago we had a major dejunking party. We got rid of so many things. Why did I have so much stuff? It is really embarrassing. I realized quickly that our family lives WAY WAY WAY beyond our needs and wants. I wondered how many spatulas do I really need?


So we got rid of our stuff. My husband says we got rid of 50 lawn and leaf garbage bags of stuff. I think it was closer to 35, but I stopped counting at 25. That's a lot of stuff. That's too much stuff. Again I ask, why did I have so much stuff? Stuff, stuff, stuff.....

Not only did I come to see that we had way to much stuff, but we were emotionally attached to so very many items in our home. It was almost as if they were on own little idols. Not good.

Another thing I noticed about all our stuff was that I had to clean it and organize it and look at it and ...... I don't need more things to do. Really I don't.

I've implemented a new cleaning schedule for family work and the first day we did the living room we quickly realized how much we needed to dust. This was after 35+ bags of extra treasures went out. Since I wanted to focus on teaching my kids how to deep clean we were cleaning all of our plastic plants. How did I end up with so many plastic plants? Half way through a really big plant dusting job Determination said, "Mom, are we going to have to dust these every week?" I looked at him and he looked at me and I got it. No we were not going to spend our lives dusting plastic plants. I started laughing and said, "Let's get rid of them!" So they picked one plant to keep (surprisingly it was the very smallest and they put it on top of the piano). Why do we have so many plastic plants I ask again?

Then came the picture frames. Why do I have so many picture frames cluttering up the wall? I don't want to dust them all either. So we took almost all of them down and we are going to put them in a book and put them on our 'prayer table' (also commonly known as a coffee table). We still have pictures up but we surly didn't need that many!

So I ask you what 'plastic plants' do you have that are cluttering up your life? I want to be a mother who knows that does less.

The Sketchbook

There are so many good discussions going on here and on several other blogs I follow regarding the ebook Headgates! It is so fun to hear what you all have to say.

I've greatly reduced the art supplies and so they are no longer overwhelming. We no longer have a huge box of crayons-we have a little box of crayons! How many yellow crayons to we really need? My kids have never been much into art projects anyways. (Gee, I wonder why? Could it be because I loathe them? I've never found value in worthless crafts.) They do however thoroughly enjoy drawing one stick figure on a piece a paper with: "To Mom: I love you. Love, Creativity" written on a hundred pages.

So to solve this bunch of wasted papers and satisfy their desire to give me a love note I recently bought sketch pads for the kids. I told them how much I enjoyed all their love notes, but I kept loosing them and they were all over the place. So I said I wanted them to draw them in the sketch book. I wanted their best work and then when they were done they could give me the sketch book and this way I would be able to keep them always! I told them that whenever there was one they really wanted me to see all they had to do was show it to me. They were so excited. They all have enjoyed drawing pictures for me that I will get to keep forever. Creativity told me he was excited that I wouldn't be able to loose them this way. He also said he liked just having one place to keep everything. Determination also has made nice little drawings that he wasn't interested in before. So simplifying our craft supplies as made them focus on real projects that are nice. Success!

We put up all their extra notebooks. They still have their names on them they are just in our empty closet so they are still here. They only get to have one notebook out to keep notes in and write whatever they want. They have really liked knowing where their books are and not feeling overwhelmed with all the paper.

I have found that has I've gotten rid of things that they are actually becoming happier, more productive, and better behaved. It's all really amazing.

Connecting with the Past

I love doing family history. I remember as a young girl helping my mom transfer all of her hand or typed pedigree and family records to the new PAF program on the computer. I remember thinking about the families that I typed. Some had a lot of children, some had a lot of children that had died and some lost multiple spouses.

I remember my mom telling me stories about them. I remember her teaching me how to research and how to look for clues. I learned to love those who came before me and to honor them. I felt a sacred charge to carry on in that great work of redeeming the dead.

When I married Mr. Patriot I learned that his family history work on some sides of his family had not been done. I enjoyed the challenge of discovering his family history so he and our children could know what their roots were. Fast forward ten years and I'm still working and still learning about them.

Teaching our children about those who came before them as been as important. Unfortunately we don't have many stories and few pictures to discover Mr. Patriot's family, but we know their names and dates and we share with our children what we do know. Each time we go back to my husband's family in Pennsylvania we go up to New York and spend half a day walking the cemeteries of his ancestors.

On my side of the family we have pages and pages of journal entries, life sketches, pictures and treasures. Our children's favorite tales are of their great grandfather serving as a Flying Tiger in China during World War 2. They loves reading his stories of his bombing raids and the pictures of all the air planes.

To teach our children about their family history my mother created a binder for each of our children. It contains pedigrees, group sheets, pictures and some biographies. The kids regularly read this and study the information. We have them down with their story books. For it is their story.We have regularly read them the biographies and stories multiples times exposing them to the courage of their forefathers. We look at their pictures and we talk about them. We have also studied maps of their immigration and the history occurring through the world while they lived.

One particular treasure we have is Heber C Kimball's "Address to His Children." Shortly before his death he outlined key points he wanted his posterity to know and do. He also states that he would stand with Father Adam and judge us at the last days in regards to how well we kept his charge. We refer to this often as we strive to come unto Christ.

Connecting with our roots is a powerful part of home education. It helps each one of us see perspective and understand we have a part to play in the grand scheme of mortality. What do you do to connect with your roots as a family?

Seeking True Principles

I've enjoyed reading so many articles lately about principles. What are principles? What are our family's principles?

The last seven years I have earnestly pursued book after book, talk after talk, person after person, temple session after temple session and scripture after scripture trying to find our own personal truth in regards to home education. President Young said,

"Pray as if everything depends on God and work as if everything depends on you."

 To that end I have sought truth.

I believe that there are many ways to educate (home or public) your children and there is no one right way. I appreciate the ideas that you all present. What I've created from those ideas coupled with my own personal conversations with the Almighty look different than yours. My journey is far from over however and I continue to seek more truth.

I've never felt so strongly the Spirit as when I go before Him daily to petition and invoke His help as I seek each day to fulfill my sacred role of nurturer. God is ever mindful of us and reaches out to us when we seek to fulfill our God given roles as mother. He will answer us.

What I've created from those holy communions is a home and not a school room. I've created a culture and not a system. School is not in session from 8-3. Our mortal sojourn is in session 24/7 however! I've patterned our home after the temple and what I envision Zion to be.

Someone may say, "What are you doing? Are you wanting everything church related?" The answer is yes. Yes in the aspect that everything we do as a purpose, with that purpose being bringing each of us closer to Christ. My vision is way beyond teaching my kids their multiplication tables or memorizing Shakespeare. My vision is raising kids who can usher in the second coming and Christ.

Every moment I pray that I will know God's will and that He will direct me. Every book I read, every conversation I start, every chore I require as a purpose. I know exactly what value I want taught, every lesson I want learned and every habit I want developed. Mr. Patriot and I are doing everything we can to model that supplication to Christ. Our children do know that everything we do has a purpose and they trust us. They know I have their eternal welfare in sight. They get it. They know I'm not interested in making them out to be the most popular, the best dressed or the next basketball all-star. I have a higher vision.

I am convinced that when we stood in the pre-mortal existence, before we came here to mortality, that my children (who would be called among your children the valiant and chosen generation) begged me not to raise them in mediocrity and Babylon. I am certain they petitioned me to raise them with truth inscribed into their very soul so that they would in very deed be prepared to fulfill their missions however great or small. I will not fail them. I will do all in my power to learn correct principles and to teach them truth.

My posts are geared from an overwhelming desire to prick each of us and to have each one of us ask ourselves, "What principles can I gleam for my family from these ideas?" I believe in the power of personal revelation and its guiding influence in our lives. I hope that my posts, that I feel compelled to write, will arouse our faculties to receive the truth that we are all in desperate need of and are seeking.

God bless us all in our own pursuit of true principles.

Core Values

In our vast research for home education we learned about "core phase."  There are many names for it but we we like that name best.  Core phase is for younger children from essentially ages 0-8 years old.  Core phase is a time where children learn their core values.  You can't focus on teaching them anything different until they have their core values firmly rooted. Perhaps that is why children are baptized when they are eight; there seems to be a universal acceptance that children know right and wrong by then.  (To learn more about core phase and the phases of learning visiting this link).

The very basic core phase curriculum would look like this:
Good/Bad
True/False
Right/Wrong

In our house we've defined this core phase curriculum this way:
There is God and there is Satan
Jesus Christ is our Savior, Healer, and Advocate
We speak to God through prayer every day
We read our scriptures every day to learn of Christ
There is a living prophet and we will follow him
Our family is our most important focus
Each family member is valued and loved
We each have responsibilities within our family
Dad's job is to provide, preside and protect our family
Mom's job is to nurture each family member
The children's job is to learn, grow and obey
Learning includes life time skills (household management, cooking, cleaning, car care, etc)
We don't hit people (or pinch, bite, etc.)
We are polite to others, especially the elderly
We respect and honor women
We learn to control our emotions
We do not eat more than our body needs
We go to bed early and we wake up early
We bathe and groom our bodies
We wear appropriate clothing

That is just some general ideas.  No child is expected to have them mastered by the time they turn eight though!  These things can take a life time to master.  What they learn though in these stages is what is right, wrong, true, false, good and bad.  It is right to hold the door open for the elderly and the women at church.  It is right to do our chores with out complaining.  It is right to pray daily.  It is right to brush my teeth everyday.  Christ speaks truth.  It is false that two men can be married, etc.  We practice, practice, practice and it's our job to teach them how.

Core phase is the foundation for their whole lives.  Everything else is built upon it.  If they know they are loved, that God is available to them through prayer and that they need to get up in the morning and greet the day, they are going to be okay! 

In our home only two requirements are expected from our children to graduate from core phase.  The first is that they want to move on to the next phase.  The second is they agree to submit, be reminded, and receive correction regarding the core guidelines.  For example, if they refuse to pray when we remind them they need to go back to core phase.

Core phase is the time to learn and teach our children discipline.  When they are disciplined they will quickly progress through their school work.

Why the Best?

I've been reading Charlotte Mason's Original works (see best book list).  I've wanted to buy them for years, but have never gotten around to it. They are on the recommended reading lists in the back of the TJEd book.


I have had "aha" after "aha" with these books. I wish I had read them BEFORE I had children. This was the owner's manual I was always wishing I had. I will make sure Liberty does a through study of them before she becomes a mom though. There are lots of gems in those books. I could write for years on some of my thoughts from them and I've only read two of them.

A couple of months ago there was a heated topic in "The Great Debate/Conversation" about why we all wanted "the best" for our children. Wouldn't it be more realistic to be happy with good and better things and not be so fixated on the best? I maintain that having the best in our family should be our ideal. Sometimes that means I have had to let go of some really good things. Sometimes that means I look weird. Sometimes that even makes me challenge my thought process. Sometimes we have to do hard things. I've read Elder Oaks extensively in that discussion. He says our ideal should be the best.

Moving on to Charlotte though. I discovered some quotes from Charlotte Mason about the very same topic that further Elder Oaks' thoughts. Here are her two bits:

"Children must be Nurtured on the Best. ...They must grow up upon the best. There must never be a period in heir lives when they are allowed to read or listen to twaddle or reading-made-easy. There is never a time when they are unequal to worthy thoughts, well put; inspiring tales, well told...and we shall train a race of readers who will demand literature-that is, the fit and beautiful expression of inspiring ideas and pictures of life." Book 2, "Parents and Children" pg.263.

"Children must have the Best Books. One more thing is of vital importance; children must have books, living books; the best are not too good for them; anything less than the best is not good enough; and if it is needful to exercise economy, let go everything that belongs to soft and luxurious living before letting go the duty of supplying the books, and the frequent changes of books, which are necessary for the constant stimulation of the child's intellectual life." Book 2, "Parents and Children" pg. 279.

I appreciate this encouragement to make sure I am seeking the best.