WARNING! THIS POST WILL SHOW YOU A BAD PARENTING MOMENT. READER DISCRETION IS THEREFORE ADVISED!
A couple of years ago I read a series of books to my kids. I edited out several parts as I went along. I was concerned about a couple of things but overall I thought they were fun and the kids loved them.
Fast forward to present day. Recently my kids checked out the same books on CD from the library. They had asked me if it was okay first and I said it was fine. We don't check a lot of books on tape out because they read a lot and I try to get them outside instead. Yet for some reason (absence of brain on the above mentioned day) I allowed them to check one out. Like I said I remembered that the books were fun and we liked them. Fun is good, right?
For several different days over the course of a couple of weeks we listened to one of the books. Some of the kids were quilting and some were playing Lego's (don't tell anyone). As I listened I noticed I was uncomfortable. This book was pushing the boundary line on what was really appropriate. I let it pass though. The nagging worry didn't leave though and I started getting really bothered. The books were making it seem okay that the stars of the show were committing adultery and there was an enormous amount of taking the Lord's name in vain. Not to mention what I call the "smack talk" by the kids. I think because I had edited it out when I read it to them I just flew by it or something. (At this point a, "Duh, Deanna" would be completely appropriate from you).
So one morning I had the words from the For the Strength of Youth go through my mind. (You know because I get up early to hear the Spirit speak to me now).
"Satan uses such entertainment to deceive you by making what is wrong and evil look normal and exciting. It can mislead you into thinking that everyone is doing things that are wrong.
"Do not attend, view, or participate in entertainment that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in entertainment that in any way present immorality or violent behavior as acceptable."
And then that's when the groaning started-that would be me realizing what I had done. I was allowing my kids (and I was participating with them) in not keeping their standards. Then I realized that President Monson had asked us this last conference to stand up for our standards.
"But" the books aren't that bad. "But" it's fun and exciting and entertaining. "But everyone else is reading them..."
As the first paragraph said wrong and evil were definitely mixed up in the books. Of course the good guys won and the bad guys were really bad and lost, but the good guys/girls were getting a way with some very immoral behavior. It became a joke by the end.
While pondering I also noticed two different absolutes repeated twice in the second quoted paragraph from For the Strength of Youth that caught my eye. Do not and any. Here it is again,
"Do not attend, view, or participate in entertainment that is vulgar, immoral, violent, or pornographic in any way. Do not participate in entertainment that in any way present immorality or violent behavior as acceptable."
Absolutes get me every time. It's pretty clear cut. Yet I repeatedly try to justify my poor behavior. We should not participate in any entertainment that portrays immorality as acceptable. Period. The End. Case Closed. Game Over. I knew what I had to do. Repent.
So after discussing my thoughts with my husband he immediately saw the damage and we called a family council. Three children were immediately ready to reject the book serious forever based on our rereading the council in For the Strength of Youth. The other one? It was painful. Lot's of tears. The child had to fast and pray about it. After a couple of days and a second family council the child conceded. It was the absolutes that finally turned the tide for him. He immediately pointed out several other changes we had to make based on the same logic.
I think about how many times I have set a bad example for my kids and they have bad habits or addictions because of me. I'm supposed to be their protector. Anyway...
Challenge: Reread For the Strength of Youth and notice the absolutes. I've noticed several that I need to make some changes on.
11 comments:
That narrows it down so much! DO NOT . . . ANY. But it makes such an amazing difference in the way our family treats each other and having the Spirit being in our home. Thank you so much!
My husband wanted me to add read the NEW "For the Strength of Youth."
Thanks for that reminder. I find that I do the same thing (probably way more often than you do!), and it's nice to get good advice from someone who has been there and used the same rationalization I have.
Things just so easily slip by me sometimes...
Thanks. I'll go read the youth pamphlet now. Could you tell me the name of the series? That way I can avoid it with my children. Thank you.
I too would appreciate the heads up on the series as I can't think of any I have read that would fit your brief description and there a few I'm considering and I don't have time to pre-read.
Also, great post as always. I will share with my family.
Are you serious? You are issuing a warning for "reader discretion" because you made a parenting mistake? What kind of messed up, perfectionist culture do you come from? Oh, that's right--Mormonism.
Thanks for sharing! Monica--the warning reflects humility, not repression.
When decisions like these have to be made, I like to offer up positive alternatives.
We need to keep in mind that hard choices to avoid evil don't deprive us--they reward us with more happiness and opportunities to enjoy life.
Also--I like to be clear about exactly how that kind of material affects us--whether it's violence, promiscuity, etc.
Thanks Strong Man! : ) Besides the "discretion" was made in jest.
"Percy Jackson and the Olympians"
i know I'm late in commenting, but the guide to not read violence is tricky. What about Shakespeare? There is sword fighting, eye-gouging stuff happening in many of his plays, but they are accepted classical literature. I know I need to follow the Spirit; I just threw out a series that I've loved because it is too gratuitous, but if we are not to read ANY violence, I think we'll be limited in even the classic literature. Your thoughts?
Hi Shauna!
I know what you mean about the violence! Some of my thoughts on that in our family are:
1). Is this movie/book glorifying violence for violence sake?
2). Are right and wrong clearly defined?
We love sword movies. I especially look for ones that fight for God, Family and Country. I just make sure they don't go over the top and push things and give us more visuals than we need.
It is a fine line and I think that every family as a right to their own rules and viewer discretion. In the end I just depend on the Spirit to tell me if we need to not watch a movie again or stop it in the middle. Like with the book. The Spirit said it needed to be dropped.
What do you think?
Sorry I'm so late in getting back, Deanna. I think we both have the right idea in having the Spirit be our guide. I also appreciated your insight into what is being glorified: wholesome principles or unwholesome ones. So much info to sift through!
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