Being Intentional With Our Life

Sooooo, as you know I've been doing A LOT of family history work.  Right now my mom and I are on a mission to clean up the records on my dad's side of the family.  We've never really had to do a lot on that side.  Pioneers.  Lots of people working on those lines over the years. We've been putting the histories and pictures of people that we have onto Family Search and its been fascinating!

As a result I've been reading a lot of biographies and obituaries.

A granddaughter wrote this of her grandmother, Elizabeth Mathews Campbell and an obituary of Elizabeth's granddaughter in law follows it,

Through my memory peers the face of a woman which portrays that character of which type is of most use to mankind.  To me it is a face which beams with devotion, portraying that most noble character, "Mother."  It is a face, perhaps a little tired of its hard struggles; a face full of thankfulness for her all, and which shows a willingness to give, to serve, and do all in her power for the benefit of mankind.  It is the face of my Grandmother, my ideal woman, and no living should could help but love and cherish her.  Although this noble character has not been placed into a worldly history, she will never be forgotten by those who knew her and who were fortunate to enjoy her presence.

Lucille ...(98) passed peacefully on ..., She married her lifelong sweetheart, ....in the Logan LDS Temple. They spent 75 wonderful years together until Theron's passing....

Lucille enjoyed her life very much. She loved her friends and loved the association she had with them. She loved her beautiful gardens especially her roses. Her vegetable garden was amazing and always plentiful. The fruit room proudly displayed all of her frugally preserved produce. She loved to work with her hands whether it be in her gardens, knitting, quilting or crocheting. She was a lifelong avid reader and particularly enjoyed biographies and historical fiction. As a child, in her fathers orchard, she would climb a favorite apple tree to read. She and her husband traveled to Europe and Canada visiting children.

She was educated in Cache Valley schools graduating from South Cache High School in... and graduated from the USU LDS Institute later in life.

She was a charter member of the Modern Mothers Club of ...., a captain of the Elizabeth Mathews Campbell camp of the Daughters of the Utah Pioneers, and a member of the Women's Literary Club. She was a devout member of the LDS church fulfilling many callings through the years--Gospel Doctrine teacher for 11 years, Relief Society President, and a Temple worker.

 
A little voice as been playing over and over in my head.  How do you want to be remembered?  When they write your obituary what are they going to say?  Is that what you want said?  These motivational quotes are going over in my mind:

"Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow?"
"Whatever you do, do it well."
"The secret of change is to focus all your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new."
"Do something today that your future self will thank you for."

And my favorite (for today):

"If you change nothing, nothing will change."

So my question to myself is if nothing changed in my life would I be where I want to be at the end of it? Would my obituary say what I want it to say?  Or do I have to change some things?  I took some time to write down what was really important to me, mainly character and skills(talents), and I was surprised with some realizations I had.

I invite you to make sure you are being intentional with your life. Are creating yourself into the person you are supposed to be?

Journey on my friends.

Family History: Some Ideas to Get You Started

I love doing family history work!  I was very blessed to have my mom be "that aunt that does our family history work."  I grew up entering information into the computer, typing family histories and hearing stories of my ancestors.  It certainly created a love for my ancestors.

Not everyone has that experience.  For many, thinking about doing family history work is either scary or one more thing I have to do!  It doesn't have to be that way though.  I thought I would share four easy ways that might help you make family history work an easy and fulfilling part of your life.

1. INDEXING.  Have you ever tried to index?  Indexing is becoming very popular.  Probably because it's so easy to do and so rewarding.  Take time to watch this short video explaining what indexing is.

Here is another video, just out!, showcasing the blessings and happiness that indexing provides us.

Once you have done indexing you realize how easy it is.  Indexing is a great way to serve if you home bound because of young children or home bound because of illness or age.  It's a great activity to do on Sundays. You can index some records in as quickly as five minutes.  I marvel that how simple it all is and what a blessing it is. 

If you haven't tried indexing I'd invite you to try it out and realize what a blessing it will be.  Even just one hour a week is fantastic.  

2. Family Tree. Go to Family Search and set up an account.  Click the Family Tree tag.  At this point you need to enter your self, your parents, and your grandparents.  You just need to add your living family members of your direct line.  Then 'find' your first generation of deceased family members and link them to your living family members.  From there you should be linked up.  You should be able to view all the work that your aunt as done.  You will be amazed and excited!  Start playing around with family tree and understand how it works.  Notice where you are from. Read the names of your ancestors and think about them. Let their names and dates and places become part of you.  Easy and very fun.  

3. Pick A Name.  After you have played around for a while and are familiar with Family Tree pick an ancestor that stands out. (Even if she has her temple work done). Does that ancestor have all of their information? Is there a death date? Marriage date? Is there a birth place?  If not on the same website (I always open up a couple of Family Search pages) go to the search page and start searching.  New records are constantly being added.  Information may be available now that wasn't when her name was originally done.  Along the way you may find that you learn about some children that died that have not been recorded or about a first marriage where the spouse died young.  There are lots of surprises out there waiting to be discovered!

4.  Upload Histories and Pictures.  For you more tech savvy individuals you might enjoy the new features on Family Tree.  You can now upload pictures and family histories.  Many of you have wonderful books of your family history that your aunt put together.  Pull them off the shelf, dust them off and type/scan the information into your Family Tree.  Your aunt will love you for it.  As you do they will start to come alive to you. I believe this is one great way to honor our ancestors.  To show them that their lives are important to us.

My recent experiences.  This past week while working on some family history I felt impressed to try to find some more of a great, great, great mother's children.  On the 1900 census record one question is how many children a women as had and how many are still alive.  This provides great clues.  Now this women's work was done 15 years ago, but for years I've been unable to find all her children.  I had found  11 of her 13.  I was getting close.  As I was praying I felt impressed to pursue a cemetery record on FIND A GRAVE.  (Another great resource!) As I studied the record, long story short, I felt impressed that the record was wrong.  I emailed the compiler of the information and asked her to recheck.  Sure enough it wasn't the cemetery record of the father, but of a missing daughter! Here is the picture I received:

I was so excited to meet baby Goldia! One hour of my life was so worth getting her information so that she could be sealed to her mommy and daddy!

Also a shout out to my wonderful husband.  As I mentioned in a previous post he has had some massive health set backs.  When he's been confined to the bed or a chair for the last six plus months he has spent his time doing family history work.  I know that is one reason the Lord as blessed us so much.  He is using his time the best way he can.

Favorite Quote. Elder Bednar and many other leaders have been championing the youth doing family history work.  This is a BIG work and we need lots of help.  What greater help that the youth of the rising generation.  I love finding my daughter working on her own family history projects.  This is a quote from Elder Bednar. 

"I promise you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary.  As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives." 

A couple of weeks ago while doing family history work the Spirit testified to me that because I was doing family history work that those I worked on would protect my family in every way they could.  As my children have gone back to public school this promise as great meaning and gives me great hope!  Remember also that as we do temple work (after having done family history work) we are growing the army of God on the other side of the veil.  We learn from Zenos that in the last days the laborers would be few.  We need all hands on deck right now and there are so many that want to help us they just need to be put in the game and only we can do that.

I love family history work.  I have a testimony that it is one of the "best" activities we can pursue.

What blessings have come into your life from doing family history work?

Receiving Our King

I recently found a couple of posts that I wrote last month and never published them for some reason. Here's one of them:

I recently gave a Young Women’s lesson entitled, “Temple Endowment.” This was a great lesson that I highly recommend! Included was a quote from James E. Talmage:

“{In the endowment, members covenant to} observe the law of strict virtue and chastity, to be charitable, benevolent, tolerant and pure; to devote both talent and material means to the spread of truth and the uplifting of the race; to maintain devotion to the cause of truth; and to seek in every way to contribute to the great preparation that the earth may be made ready to receive her King,-the Lord Jesus Christ. With the taking of each covenant and the assuming of each obligation a promised blessing is pronounced contingent upon the faithful observance of the conditions.” Emphasis added. (James E. Talmage, The House of the Lord, [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1968], p. 84)

The part that I highlighted stood out to me. We are to contribute to preparing the earth for the Second Coming. No wonder I feel such a burning desire to raise children of high moral standards who will also continue to help prepare the earth. This is a great charge. Not only does it say to prepare the earth but it says “to seek in every way” to do this work.

What does this look like? How do we prepare the earth?

I think it means rejecting the world, raising children according to God’s standards and not the worlds, warning our neighbor, and keeping our covenants. When they talk about “raising the bar” in our devotion we truly must raise the bar, and we must do it every way we can.

A scripture has been running through by mind for the last several weeks it says,

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

I have come to realize that while I probably will not be asked to die as a martyr I can still lay down my life. How? I can voluntarily choose to lay down my worldly life with all its exciting enticements and entitlements and I can choose to live a godly life. I can choose to give up more of my fun and more of my ‘me time’ and I can choose to serve my family and my friends. I can bear testimony, I can research family history names, I can visit my neighbor, I can read to my children, I can study my scriptures, I can attend the temple, etc. I can voluntarily reject the excessive pull of the computer, the movies, the brain-candy books, the girls day outs, etc. and I can choose a spiritual life.

I think that as I do this I will be seeking in every way to contribute (as God teaches me line by line) to the great preparation that the earth must go through so that we can receive our King.

See also Elder Anderson's recent address on this subject.

Mom Needs Headgates Too!

As I mentioned in a previous post I enjoyed an interview on the Mormon Channel with Sister Julie B. Beck. Among the thoughts she shared I found great truth when she said, "When your priorities are out of order you lose power over your life."

What are our priorities? I think as women of the covenant and sisters in the great worldwide organization-Relief Society-our priorities are different than the women of the world. The First Presidency has identified several key things that they name as the highest priority. In a letter to the membership of the church they said,

“We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities. However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform” (First Presidency letter, Feb. 11, 1999).

We can also recall Elder Oakes counsel of good, better, best to seek the best priorities. I loved Elder Maynes recent conference address where he suggests developing "celestial traditions" for protection to our family. Based on these ideas I developed a list of the most basic priorities that are the most important in my role as wife and mother.

Personal priorities: prayer, scripture study, church attendance, and regular dates with spouse. Ensuring that three family meals are prepared and eaten together, clothes are cleaned, and basic housekeeping is maintained.

Family Priorities: prayer, scripture study, church attendance, Family Home Evening, wholesome family activities, and specific attendance in each organization (Young Women's, Priesthood duties, Primary, Relief Society, etc).

That is a very basic list. I may be missing something obvious. I think most of our lists with be somewhat the same.

A secondary list of priorities would include: fasting, temple attendance, visiting teaching completed, magnify a calling, etc. These are of course very essential.

The juggling of these basic priorities requires order. I think of it as a "House of Order." When these things are not done than disorder and confusion are the results.

What is the power that we will lose out of our life? When our priorities are out of order we will lose the power of the Holy Ghost in our lives. When we have our family priorities in a place we have built for our lives that day a sure foundation. We are so ordered that we are entitled to the ongoing companionship of the Spirit. That ongoing companionship of the Spirit is so vital that it is impossible to navigate successfully through this day and age by ourselves. The Holy Ghost cannot dwell in us when we are house of confusion and disorder. When our lives are lived in a knee-jerk reaction to the demands of outside forces we cannot claim the power of the Holy Ghost that is necessary.

Sister Beck points out that when we have those vital things done in our lives and our family's lives each day than you can live your day calmly and peacefully. You will not be blown to and fro.

We may cause our lives to be unorderly when we focus on self. When we spend time on the computer, gaming, watching TV, shopping, crafting, or reading "brain candy" books without first ensuring that the daily priorities in our family are met we will find ourselves out of order. Of course there are the unexpected times when we can't have a perfect day, but when we focus on having a day filled with keeping our priorities I have found that it is rare indeed to have a day when I feel "out of control."

I think generally we try to stay grounded. I loved Sister Beck's comment though because it says when we do the right things-our priorities-we will be in balance and we will face much less depression and stress. As I see now clearly how to avoid those burnout moments of depression, sadness, anxiety, or being overwhelmed I can see what I need to focus on. I need to fulfill my role as nurturer and I will find peace each day from the constant companionship of the Spirit. The Spirit will cause me to be happy and recognize my self-worth.

As I review the headgate principles and think about developing "celestial traditions" (and not telestial or terrestrial ones in my life or my family's life) I realize that I need to make sure that I close the wrong headgates in my own life also. The wrong headgates will cause me to overlook my priorities, face addictions, and keep me off track. So I can ask myself the same questions I asked about my children's toys. What are my toys that I use in my free time? (Facebook, gaming, reading, etc). Who was the creative one-the toy maker or me? Are we making "little junks" and wasting family resources all in the name of crafting? Are we watching movies that our children are not allowed to watch? Do we read books that contain pornography, but rationalize it because we are married adult women? Perhaps as adults we are "entitled" to things that are children are not? Sister Beck has spoken often on a latter-day philosophy of women believing they are entitled to things. She says we must reject that mentality.

Perhaps we feel we are entitled to "me time?" I have a wise friend who says we don't need "me time" we need "God time." He will heal us and strengthen us in all the ways we need. When we have God time from having established correct order in our homes than the Spirit will teach us what we need. Perhaps we need to go on a walk or read a book. If God is our mentor we will have the Spirit teaching us and telling us when it's time to get back in the battle. The Spirit will teach us when we have been on the computer to long or whether we are wasting our time and need to do something else.

More headgate thoughts. Are we pursuing the internet, book reading, TV time, shopping, crafting with the Spirit? Have we first done our family work for the day and ensured that everything is well ordered? Then with the Spirit directing us we will read the right book for the right amount of time. We will pursue worthwhile art that will bless our family. We will use the internet for a limited time to study or do family history. We will do it at the right time and for the right amount time because the Spirit will be our constant companion.

When we have the power of the Spirit, which comes from correct priorities, we will have that constant guide telling us what to do and how to live our lives. We will learn how to submit. We will have Christ has our 'living center.'

Through the years I have seen women (and many times it has been me!) who are running their lives from one sporting event to the next, one running workout to the next, or one project to the next, one workbook page to the next, etc. etc. Most of them are harried, stressed, tired, and empty. Their life is being controlled by society's demands and expectations.

Again I am grateful for Sister Beck's counsel. Whether we home educate or not we can find balance in our lives by seeking to fulfill our priorities for the day. Again that promised blessing is the ongoing companionship of the Spirit with its great blessing of joy filling our lives!

Waling to Zion: Casting Down My Idolatry

Idolatry. That was what Brigham Young said was one of the main reason the Saints could not redeem Zion. How am I doing on this?

Idol worship means worshipping something/one instead of God. It keeps us from doing the right things; no matter how small. They are often seen in the form of addictions. These are our weapons of rebellion.Elder Kearon recently said,

 "We must lay down our weapons of rebellion (and we each know what they are). We must lay down our sin, vanity, and pride. We must give up our desire to follow the world and to be respected and lauded by the world. We must cease fighting against God and instead give our whole hearts to Him, holding nothing back."

Today there are many idols we can worship. Money. TV. Books. Sports. Music. Drugs. Alcohol. Tobacco. Pornography. Stuff. Image. Fashion. Shopping. Food. Work. Hunting. Hobbies. Facebook. Internet. Gaming. Time. Education.

I have found that it's really easy to recognize the idols that others have, but it's harder recognizing and accepting the idolatry in my own heart. I guess though according to Elder Kearon I really do know what they are and maybe I just don't want to admit them to myself.

Here on earth we have been given the wonderful gift of agency. How to we use it? Do we use it to bow down to worship dumb idols or are we worshiping the one true God? Elder Hales said, "Every time we go out, every decision we make, we are either choosing to move in his direction or in the direction of our Savior. But the adversary must depart if we tell him to depart. He cannot influence us unless we allow him to do so, and he knows that! The only time he can affect our minds and bodies-our very spirits-is when we allow him to do so."

I find hope and strength from this. I can resist the temptations of Satan and refuse to bow down to my weaknesses. I must be vigilant though because I can lose my agency by making wrong choices. Elder Hales commented, "To retain our agency we must daily walk in the light our Lord and Savior and follow the path of obedience."

Elder Hales has talked about how we can reclaim our agency that we may have lost to wrong choices (idolatry). He says the path back should include these steps:

"Choose to accept-truly accept-that you are a child of God, that He loves you, and that He has the power to help you.

"Choose to put everything-literally everything-on the altar before Him. Believing that you are His child, decide that your life belongs to Him and that you will use your agency to do His well. You may do this multiple times in your life, but never, never give up.

"Choose to put yourself in a position to have experiences with the Spirit of God through prayer, in scriptures study, at Church meetings in your home, and through wholesome interactions with others. When you feel the influence of the Spirit you are beginning to be cleansed and strengthened. The light is being turned on, and where that light shines, the darkness of evil cannot remain.

"Choose to obey and keep your covenants, beginning with your baptismal covenant. Renew these covenants weekly by worthily partaking of the sacrament.

"Choose to prepare to worthily attend the temple, make and renew sacred covenants, and receive all of the saving ordinances and blessings of the gospel.

"Finally, and most importantly, choose to believe in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Accept the Savior's forgiveness, and the forgive yourself. Because of His Sacrafice for you, He has the power to 'Remember

{your sins} no more.' You must do likewise."

I thought this was important counsel to me in my quest to strip the idolatry out of my life. I must recognize the things I hold on to and that prevent me from laying my will on the alter. In my life most of what entices me to idolatry is the worship of my own agenda, my own ideas, my own time, and just simply my desire to do what I want. Regardless of how noble or wholesome it is if it is not what God wants me to do at that moment then I am worshiping the idol of my own self.

In Zion I must only worship the one true God. I must cease my self-worship, my idolatry.


All the quotes (except for the quotes from Elder Kearon) are quoted from the conference address, "To Act for Ourselves: The Gift and Blessings of Agency," given April 1, 2006.

Serving Others

When Mr. Patriot lost the election I knew there had to be a reason.  What was suppose to be the point of our life now?  We weren't moving to our state's capitol, we were moving into a tiny house and we would be there all week long, all winter long.  What in the world was our new focus to be?

I felt strongly to simplify our life done to the barest of bare bones.  Like I mentioned we did not bring the Internet with us, we dropped our land line, we got rid of lots and lots of "stuff," and we even stopped piano lessons. We opted out of starting in on some "scholar" classes and "love of learning" classes for the children also.  Very little remained standing!  Now what?

I felt strongly again that we were to keep our life in this very simple state of existence and only add one thing: service.  We do a lot of service generally speaking, but where exactly was I suppose to go with that? 

I called all the local organizations around and found out what our options were.  There were food banks, hospitals, soup kitchens, poor people, sad people, old people and young people.  I waded through the options and I discovered what WE, our very own family, was suppose to do.  We were to visit the elderly as often as possible at the local care center.

We have been visiting them for well over a month now.  It is our week's highlight.  We have been added to their list of activities every Monday afternoon.  We come in and we sing to them and they sing with us. We do random projects for  them.  One day Liberty rolled yarn with a resident, another time we went through books on a bookshelf and this past week we decorated their Christmas tree.  We go to the rooms and we visit the residents.  We talk to them about their lives.  We encourage them and we love them.

Most are sad.  Most are extremely lonely.  We have been coming now regularly and so we are welcomed with happiness.  It is just a small nursing home-there are only 35 residents.  Not only are we making a difference in their lives, but many of the workers notice that our family is different from others.  Our kids talk to the residents.  They hug them.  They smile with them.  They seem happy to be there. (And they are!)

There is one resident who is very sad.  As soon as she sees the kids though she lights up and they just hug her and hug her.  She usually gets teary eyed.  She just hugs them over and over.  My little angel kids just hug her back with out a thought.  They've hugged her solid for minutes at a time.

I say that we are making a difference, and we are.  I know this is what the Lord wants us to do.  But where is the real difference being made?  In our family's heart.  They have become our dearest friends.  We love them.  We need them. They are making us who we need to be.  They are teaching us.  They are lifting us.  They are helping me raise my children to be "the youth of the noble birthright" who will usher in the Savior's reign. 

It may sound overly simplistic to say this is changing our lives, but it is.  All of the other things we've given up were great activities for our family, however we have found that holding someone's hand who is sad and lonely is a best activity for our family.

So when it comes time to think what we will do for Christmas the answer is simple.  We will see our dearest friends.  We will sing with them and love them and be with them since the Savior can not.

Imagination (9) has a birthday shortly after Christmas.  When he was asked what he wanted to do on his birthday he said he wanted to go to the nursing home.  Yes, we are finding that love and that peace that comes when we reach out to those that need help.

As part of our efforts to make a difference we organized our first humanitarian drive.  We requested lap quilts from the community to present to these sweet spirits on Christmas Day.  We have received a great response.  Liberty and I were able to make 15 lap quilts of our own in less than 5 work days.  We had an amazing experience.  We felt truly blessed to make and finish them.  Of course we could because we didn't have things going on in the afternoon!

I know that your lives and missions are different than mine.  You may feel strongly that you should focus on music in your family, maybe you feel strongly that your mission is to blog and connect with the outside world on a regular basis, or perhaps you feel that pursuing your own classical education is what must encompass your time.  Whatever we feel drawn to do we must to it so we can progress as individuals and as families.  As we do we will become like the Savior, so when he comes we will see Him and we will be like Him.  Also know/remember that we will have seasons for doing things.  Our family had a 9 month season of intense focus on American History, Government and public spotlight, and then it was over-we were called to another field.

I have a testimony that the Lord is always molding us.  He is reaching out to us and hearkening to us saying "learn of me and listen to my words and walk in the meekness of my Spirit."

May you each go forward empowered in your sphere, in your mission, and make impact.

The Six Month No

It has become time to think about the "Six Month No" again.  It's my least favorite ingredient in some ways and my favorite in other ways.  I don't like it because I have to give up things that I like.  It is my favorite because I feel liberated when I finally give myself permission to stop doing some things and I have more time to do what I feel is the most important for that six months.

(The "six month no" is a part of the Thomas Jefferson Education program.  The idea is that every six months every one evaluates the things they are doing.  They decide if they should stop doing something.  It helps to keep us focused and to choose to do things that are no longer productive and helpful for our current situation).

This time around this is what got axed:

• Writing on four blogs. I only have my private family blog and this one now.
• On-line BYU classes.  I learned a fabulous amount of history in the last three years though.
• 4-H Cloverbud Leader.  No sorrow there.
• Our state's Distance Education Academy.  Lots of reports and testing.  I did enjoy it while we did it.  Great people.  Great resources.  But time to move on.

There's a time for everything though right?  Maybe some day I'll start my classes up again and I'll be able to write for all sorts of blogs and magazines?  For now life is good.  I feel in control again.

Have any of you done a six month no lately?

Plugged In

One of the things that I am passionate about is music.  Those of you that read my previous blog  know that I have strong feelings about music, the radio, MP3 Players, etc.  My time at girls camp has reinforced in me the need for vigilance. 

When I was twelve or thirteen I was able to attend a Regional Fireside.  What I remember about that fireside was that they talked about the destructive influence of music in our lives.  They challenged us to go home and throw away our bad music.  I went home and I did that.  I only had three cassette tapes but they weren't good.  I had gotten them from my cousins who said they were soooo good.  My cousins were very "into" music and a large collection of music.  They were constantly listening to music.  They were from California so they were "cool."

I had listened to those tapes a lot since I had gotten them.  I had memorized the songs.  That was what I was suppose to do, that is what my cousins did.  So when I came home that night and threw them all in the trash can I said a young girl prayer, "Heavenly Father I want to obey in all things.  I really don't understand why this music is bad, but I'll throw it away anyway."

After that point I simply refused to buy tapes and listen to popular music.  Growing up I certainly missed out on a great many peer conversations about the latest bands and new releases.  I simply had know idea what they were talking about.  I was clueless and I have remained clueless about popular music.

I have noticed that I have had a great many blessings in my life because I have not listened to the radio or purchased numerous tapes/CD's.  I feel that I have the constant life line of the Spirit in my life and his words are the words that run through my mind.  I can concentrate and think about divine things.  I feel peace and calm in a hectic world.

I have a friend who told me that as soon as he gets in the car and heads to work/comes home which is up to an hour the first thing he does is turn on the radio and listen.  He says that it is his way of not having to deal with things and he can just tune out of his life for a while.  This man is a great father and husband, of strong moral character and a leader in the church.  I thought it was fascinating that he recognized what he was doing.

I am certainly aware there is good pop music out there. I am certainly aware that there may even be good stations. For me it simply comes down to several things. 

• I want best not good in as much as I can in my life
• I want to be able to have the Spirit always with me
• I don't want to always be concentrating on whether this or that is an appropriate song
• I have other things I want to spend my money on
• I want to be able to ponder
• I want to fill my mind and daily thoughts with things from the scriptures and things of God versus the popular lyrics of a song that stay in my head and for some reason do not leave

What is most disconcerting to me is that so many of the popular songs we listen to have inappropriate lyrics or at least lyrics that I believe we don't want our youth listening to.  I recently listened to stake leaders sing popular songs in the evening with the youth during "camp songs" time.  I lasted through 1/2 of a song and left.  Several of my youth followed me back to our camp fire.  We then talked about the power of music.  I discussed the song we were singing.  Apparently everyone, leaders and youth, in our stake know this popular song but me.  Every one was singing enthusiastically because they loved it. 

I testified to them of greater increase of the Spirit it they would take the time to read and ponder on the lyrics of the popular songs and decide if they were appropriate.  They sang some songs to me that they all liked.  I pointed things out to them in the songs that maybe they should think about.

Here is some of the lyrics to the popular song that I walked out on:

Our song is a slamming screen door
Sneakin out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone, and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way he laughs, on the first date
Man, I didn't kiss him, and I should have
When I got home, before I said amen
Asking God if He can play it again
Play it again, oh yeah, oh, oh, yeah
(Taylor Swift, Our Song)

I can only ask why are these songs okay?  Some songs are much tamer than this and others are worse.  However as I looked through the lyrics online to many of these popular songs what I saw was that they were all about being in love.   We live in the last days.  We are in a war, a spiritual war.  Our youth do not need to be thinking about love, dating and kissing all the time.  They do not need lyrics like that going over and over in their minds.  They need to learn about what it means to nurture, preside, provide and protect.  They need to think about their role as part of the rising generation.  They need to be aware that Satan wants to destroy them.  However if they can simply be complacent, moon-eyed, and plugged in he has won.  They will be too busy thinking about their love-struck emotions to worry about waging war.

I have seen that a lot lately with boys leaving or not leaving on their missions.  They don't want to leave or their girlfriends don't support them leaving because, "don't you understand, we're in love."  Ecclesiastes teaches us their is a time for all things, including a time to love.  We need to help our youth have their emotions in control so that they can do the right things at the right time.  I present that being plugged in all the time is not the way this will be accomplished. I say again they will be to busy thinking about love and good things to be part of the war they were specifically called upon and held back for to fight in.

That is why I challenge popular music.  Because we don't have time for it.  We are at war.

Canon in D by Johann Pachelbel arr: Dan Coates

I currently am taking piano lessons with my children.  I have felt strongly that my children need to take piano lessons and become proficient in them.  Playing the piano is a requirement in our home.  I need to back track and say once they decide that they want to take piano lessons (which they have demonstrated by showing a deep desire over several months) that I will require them to practice daily.  Liberty (age 11, almost 12) did not start until this past fall and already she can play easy repertoire.  The boys coincidentally all started when they were 8.

Before I started taking piano lessons with them I always requested a recital piece from our piano teacher and I performed one with them.  (This goes with my parenting model that I will not require anything of them that I am not willing to also do myself).  I also think that it helps that I practice daily with them.  This fall I saw some of them struggling a little with desire so in January I started lessons with them.  This has helped tremendously in their desire to practice.  Practicing the piano is just what we do.  They are progressing well and I am pleased with their progress.  Some put forth more effort than others, but I continue to feel strongly that they need to pursue the piano.  I realize this is a scholarly activity, but sometimes the Spirit trumps the rules you know.

The You Tube video is of the piece and arrangement that I am performing in a couple of weeks at our next recital.  I love good music because it fills our soul with glimpses of eternity.

Activities for Toddlers

I don't have toddlers anymore.  I wish I knew everything I know now back when I did have toddlers though!  So I'll answer a question I was asked about this in hopes that it can help.   It's what I would have done, but I can't practice it so I don't know how worthwhile the information is!

The main thing that I would do with toddlers is that I would have clear "free time" and "family work" times.  I would teach them what they are and what is expected out of the toddler when they are in that activity.

For family work time I would have them help me with all my household chores.  This takes real discipline from mom.  So you may have to work up to it!  A three year old can learn to sort clothes, fill the washer and fold laundry with moms help. They can match socks and help put small piles of clothes away.  A toddler can empty the silverware from the dishwasher.  They can set the table for dinner.  They can scrub a toilet and wash a wall.  There really is endless things they can do side by side with mom. 

By doing "real" family work and helping mom they gain great confidence in themselves and the vital aspect of self-worth within the family.  They learn discipline and increased stamina.  It is not work to them because they are with mom and they think it is fun. I did do this with my daughter and she learned to do all kinds of things as a toddler.  She is well disciplined now and works hard. (Why I didn't do it with the rest of them I don't know).

The toddler will learn colors from sorting laundry, sorting and categorizing skills from silverware, basic math when setting the table, etc.  If you spend time talking to them while you are working they can increase their vocabulary and verbal articulation skills.  You can memorize many things together.  Liberty learned the names of the 12 apostles at age two.  You can sing primary songs.  I would sing the Books of Scripture songs with them.  They  can learn anything.  They will learn if we have the patience to teach them.  Also they are tired when they are done!  Toddlers need to get worn out so they will sleep well at night and nap time.

When mom needs to address Baby's needs she can then dismiss the child for "free time."  The Toddler can learn that free time means "not bother mom time as well."  In the beginning this might only last 30 minutes, but over time they can increase the length.  They learn this is the time they get to play with their toys.  They can build with blocks, play outside if the yard is fenced, or play with whatever "lifeless toys" you choose to have.  (see the the Headgates article) I would help the child learn that they create their play and not have it dictated by hours of entertainment based toys and activities.  Children need to learn to play by themselves and not be entertained.  It is hard.  It's so much easier to turn on Dora.  Save Dora for emergencies.  With discipline though there should be few emergencies.

I'm embarrassed to say that free time for my toddlers was pretty much ALL day.  Free time included as many Blues Clues episodes as they wanted among other things.  Also they had a whole play room full of push button, cartoon toys.  They learned they wanted to be entertained.  I am paying dearly for that now.  I should have taught them that free time only happens for a couple of hours all day.  If only I knew then what I know now!

Of course you'd have times where you would read and play games.  And perhaps this time would be "mommy time."  I would also take them outside as much as possible.  This is vital.  This also wears them ou.  So when you have to be inside working on those things that can't involve the toddler they are willing to amuse themselves.

I would save the free time until you desperately need time for Baby or a shower or something.  They will be trained that they need to amuse themselves and that they need to leave you alone.  The discipline they are building is vital for when they are older and are trying to get through Shakespeare, Euclid and a host of other books and other physical and mental activities.  Training is hard, but focusing on it now when they are two and three is so much better then when they are older.  Trust me on this one!

So wear them out with work time so that when you need personal time they will be more than happy to run off and play by themselves.

If you have older children they can of course help with the toddler. They can do some mentoring of them also.

I highly recommend "Home Education" by Charlotte Mason which is volume 1 in her series, "The Original Home Schooling Series."

This is what I would do in hindsight and this is what I'm going to teach my daughter to do with her children.  I hope the information is helpful.  Please share your thoughts on activities with small children in applying these principles.

"I'm Bored Mom."

How many times have you heard that?  The book, Last Child in the Wood: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv explores boredom and how we need to use it to get our children back outside.

Today boredom is an epidemic.  Children are leading a life of being entertained constantly.  The author talks about how the concept of boredom didn't begin to develop until the nineteen century.  He shares how a historian researched the concept of boredom from medieval times.  If someone displayed the symptoms of what we now call boredom they were thought to be committing a sin in what they described as a "dangerous form of spiritual alienation" and were devaluing of the world and its creator.  Of note though was that since the concept of boredom didn't exist neither did the concepts of "interesting, thrilling or exciting." (There must be opposition in all things). When labor-saving machinery, the valuing of the individual and the pursuit of happiness arrived on planet Earth the emotional state of boredom was born. 

Boredom is good though! It forces a child to make a choice.  What are they going to do now?  In the past I gave my children to big of a range of ideas; mostly all entertainment based.  However as I've applied the "headgate" principles, which would be limiting all entertainment options, the child will be forced to use their creativity.  When bored Louv says they will, "turn to a book, built a fort, pull out the paints and create, or come home sweaty from a game of neighborhood basketball."  Boredom creates an opportunity!  As I have dropped the lopsided amount of entertainment out of our lives I have noticed that my children play outside more, read more, work on their musical instruments and sketch more.

I have a friend that always tells her children, "I am not your entertainment committee."  I think this is more important counsel than I've realized.  I seem bombarded with ideas that if I want to be a good parent I should take them to the movies, provide video games, hand held video games, trips to the mall, videos, excesses clothing, diversity of friends and play dates, amusement parks, organized sports, etc.  I believe the reduction (or absence) of such makes me a good parent.  (see note below)

My children don't need to be provided with everything at their whim.  How will this prepare them to be a responsible adult?  Why would they want to even be an adult? (Read this book: Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax for more on that topic).

I give us all permission to allow our children to be bored. When they are bored suggest they go outside.  Allow them stare at worms and bugs, birds and clouds and feel the sunshine. They will think great thoughts and feel peace because they are in nature, God's creation.


I have had to create new rules and guidelines for their lives now that I've "pulled the plug." When we drive somewhere they are able to bring a book, notebook or their sketchbook.  However, unless we are traveling a far distance, we will not watch movies or listen to books.  (Driving four hours down to Utah isn't far enough for me).  I tell them to look out the window and think deep thoughts; look at the country side, see the animals and vegetation.  When my children were all little I would play games with them.  I would ask them what animals we were seeing, what crops we passed and what color of cars we saw.  I would ask them any questions I could to get them to observe their surroundings and to keep them from screaming and fighting with each other.  I want them to learn about the world because they see it and experience it.  Not just because they see pictures in a book or saw it on television.

As a side note; we are driving in my husband's old car a lot now because it has better gas mileage then the suburban.  They actually have to touch each other now and it has been WWIII.  Who knew 3 boys could get into so many fights on the way to town (45 minutes) for groceries?  Guess what though?  I'm going to drive the car EVERY WHERE I can now until they learn to get along! It is not an excuse for me to say, "Driving with three boys is just too hard.  I think I'll buy handheld game systems or MP3 players so they can pass the time."  No way! This is a call to arms.  I am not caving in and letting them entertain their way through life!  They have to be responsible, hard working, non-entertainment based kids that will be prepared to usher in the Savior and the Second Coming.  I will be a mother who knows that entertainment is not the answer to my frazzeledness.

The examples I provided were simply examples.  Please do not take anything personally.  I am sure all of the things I listed can be valuable if used in the right circumstances.  Please do not be offended if you allow your children to watch a show in the car when you go run errands or that going to an amusement park is bad.    I provided examples to the principle of boredom and those were things I have personally reflected on.

What is fun?

I have a couple of friends who tease me for not doing “fun” things or not liking “fun” things. I have reflected on this a lot. I have realized that over the years I no longer want/need as much entertainment. I have found there are wholesome things that will rebuild me that don’t entertain me. My needs and desires have simply changed.

I find recharge and enjoyment in:
Walking on a beach, looking for seashells, and splashing with my family in the ocean
Watching my children play in a ditch and catching water skippers
Sitting around a camp fire and talking with family and friends
Reading a book to my children on the couch
Walking through a historical site and honoring those who have gone on
Visiting the elderly with my family and singing them Primary songs
Picking up the neighbors trash that a dog knocked over with my kids
Doing “family work” together
Riding horses with my children (or usually just watching them)
Walking around Temple Square
Going to the Temple with my husband on a date
Eating watermelon on the deck with my family
Listening to my daughter Liberty sing patriotic songs while she practices for her next event

I do not find enjoyment in:
(Please do not take offense if you pursue these activities.  I'm not saying you shouldn't do them I'm only saying that I do not enjoy doing them.  Please respond to the principle that I'm discussing, not the items).

Sitting by a pool, getting sunburned and being surrounded by throngs of people in clothes that show too much skin and are constantly yelling at their kids
Standing for hours in line at an amusement park, eating food that makes me sick (from all the salt and sugar), and getting a head ache from too much sun
Reading brain candy or twaddle fiction
Going shopping for things my family doesn’t need
Sitting around eating junk food resulting in me feeling sick and bloated
Playing Wii/Play Station
Listening to the radio
Sitting on the computer and trying to “reconnect” with friends on Facebook
Playing Farmville or other on line games
Crafting
Stamping

I have come to realize that I was relying too much on the outside world to entertain me. I no longer want to be entertained. To me that means I am killing time or ‘surviving’. I want to enjoy my time. I don’t want to kill it or hurry it along. I want to be in the moment and so I need all those moments to be wholesome so I can truly appreciate my family and my friends. I want to enjoy my mortality. I want to BE.

Why the Best?

I've been reading Charlotte Mason's Original works (see best book list).  I've wanted to buy them for years, but have never gotten around to it. They are on the recommended reading lists in the back of the TJEd book.


I have had "aha" after "aha" with these books. I wish I had read them BEFORE I had children. This was the owner's manual I was always wishing I had. I will make sure Liberty does a through study of them before she becomes a mom though. There are lots of gems in those books. I could write for years on some of my thoughts from them and I've only read two of them.

A couple of months ago there was a heated topic in "The Great Debate/Conversation" about why we all wanted "the best" for our children. Wouldn't it be more realistic to be happy with good and better things and not be so fixated on the best? I maintain that having the best in our family should be our ideal. Sometimes that means I have had to let go of some really good things. Sometimes that means I look weird. Sometimes that even makes me challenge my thought process. Sometimes we have to do hard things. I've read Elder Oaks extensively in that discussion. He says our ideal should be the best.

Moving on to Charlotte though. I discovered some quotes from Charlotte Mason about the very same topic that further Elder Oaks' thoughts. Here are her two bits:

"Children must be Nurtured on the Best. ...They must grow up upon the best. There must never be a period in heir lives when they are allowed to read or listen to twaddle or reading-made-easy. There is never a time when they are unequal to worthy thoughts, well put; inspiring tales, well told...and we shall train a race of readers who will demand literature-that is, the fit and beautiful expression of inspiring ideas and pictures of life." Book 2, "Parents and Children" pg.263.

"Children must have the Best Books. One more thing is of vital importance; children must have books, living books; the best are not too good for them; anything less than the best is not good enough; and if it is needful to exercise economy, let go everything that belongs to soft and luxurious living before letting go the duty of supplying the books, and the frequent changes of books, which are necessary for the constant stimulation of the child's intellectual life." Book 2, "Parents and Children" pg. 279.

I appreciate this encouragement to make sure I am seeking the best.