Headgate Step #2: Require Work

Through Headgates and a variety of other articles and inspiration I know that it is vital for my children to learn to work hard. I have even blogged about it here when I discussed Elder Christofferson's October 2011  2010 conference address.

We require work because our children need to learn to do hard things. They must learn to figure out how they will handle insurmountable tasks. They will need these vital skills to have a world class scholar phase (which will look differently for every youth) and so they can find success in life.

I think we agree we can all agree on that point. Reviewing Headgates and listening to Elder Christofferson's recent talk about receiving divine correction have brought it back to my face that I need to do better with this. We are working, we are cleaning, but I feel strongly that something is amiss. I see several problems.

1. We will run out of things to clean.
2. My children will find it ridiculous to clean "clean" things.
3. I am lazy. (I should move this to spot number one).
4. I don't think that cleaning a toilet is teaching them hard things. It's teaching them that sometimes you don't get to do things you want to do which is a vital lesson, but it's not teaching them how to handle "insurmountable tasks."
5. Seasonal projects like gardening or snow shoveling really are still not teaching them how to handle hard things. Again the vital lesson of your day can't be spent doing everything you want to do is being learned though.
6. Did I mention I am lazy?

About the lazy me part. I need to muster up the battle gear to go at this long term. I am great with short-term projects that need to be pushed through, but it's the long-term ones that I start fading on. For example I've been very dedicated to this work principle this last two months or so, but now that I have cleaned every last thing I can think of three times I'm starting to slack off because it is no longer meaningful. I am finding that I'm assigning one extra job after our morning routine and then giving them way too much free time. I must push through whatever plan I come up with and stay with it until it becomes habit.

So here I am in a quandary. I absolutely believe this is a true principle-my children must work-but I am left with needing to find some different application. (Also because I have more boys than girls). For our family working in the mornings is right for our ebb and flow in life. I have always been naturally a work hard girl in the morning and then have a more relaxed afternoon. What to do about this hard work thing?

I've been praying about this. I appreciated Elder Bednar's talk about remembering that revelation comes line upon line. As I study, ponder, pray and discuss I am finding ideas and these ideas are building on each other. My thoughts have led me to consider all sorts of things. Some of those things have included piano lessons, requiring math, and physical fitness programs. Of course whatever I choose would still include cleaning, gardening, working outside, sewing, service, etc., but I need to throw some things in there that are hard.

I realize I could cause some of them to grow up hating piano or math, but I don't really care if they learn to do hard things. Meaning an ability to work hard through difficult times/projects is more important than if they like the piano and decide to play the piano as an adult. It's a tool.

If I did decide to require, let's say piano lessons, this would necessitate that I have to be there, side by side with them, reminding them and helping them practice. This is where I, in my present state, would fade long term. I recently listened to this 'conversation' with Sister Beck. She required her children to take piano lessons because they did not live on a farm or own a milk cow and she needed something to teach them how to work. They hated it! One daughter said it wasn't until she was 16 that she decided she liked piano. For ten years Sister Beck dragged her to piano lessons. At one point, I'm not clear for how long, they were required to practice for three hours a day! Kudos to Sister Beck is all I can say about that! If you have a chance I encourage to listen to the interview if you are thinking about these things.  There are also other interesting things discussed.

So I don't have any answers yet. I am applying myself, line upon line, searching for my answer. I see a need in my children and I don't believe that I am currently meeting that need. I'll let you know when I figure it out.

So now my friends: What thoughts do you have to these questions?

1. What are your thoughts about children needing to do hard things?
2. What work/things do you require in your home? (Math, soccer, piano, etc).
3. Any other comments would be great.

Small House Q & A

I have enjoyed everyone's comments about living in smaller houses or at least massively simplifying their lives. There seems to be a growing trend toward this. Very interesting. Crazy For Boys/Heather raised some good questions. What are those things that we think are essential that others have learned are not? For so long there were certain things that I thought were essential in a well ordered house and now I have learned I can live without them! Who knew? I have learned that just because I would call myself a queen at organization it doesn't mean I'm a queen in simplicity. There is a difference. Simplicity is a much grander, fuller life than I ever dreamed and I still see many, many ways that I can improve on.

For this blog post I want everyone's ideas on minimizing/simplicity/order to speak out. Let's all learn together. So here are some questions to get those creative juices going. Please give your answers to one or all of the questions. You may also add a new question too!  (I will do a Q & A on Headgates and books with this same style in a couple of days).

1. What things in your kitchen have you realized you really don't need and you now realize you can live without?
2. What are things in your bathroom that you have realized you don't need and you can live without?
3. Where do you put your food storage?
4. What do you still have left in storage that you can't bear to part with yet?
5. What, if any, Christmas decorations (or other holidays) do you still have?
6. How many wall hangings/decorations/pictures to you have in your house now? How did you choose what to put up?
7. How much clothing/shoes does each family member have?
8. How have you organized your computer/desk area?
9. What do you do with the little junks and paper your children get from primary?
10. How many baby clothes and blankets do you really need?

Our Little House

We have a little house. Most of you know this. Some of you have seen pictures of my little house. I know some have smaller houses than mine, but as a general rule most people have much, much bigger houses than ours. It has been six months since we sold our previous home and we moved into our little rental house that is right across the street from our "land of inheritance" as Misfit Cygnet taught me it was.

We only have about two or three months and then we be moving to another little house (but still bigger) than the one we have now. We have decided to postpone building for another two or so years and move a "manufactured home" aka a single wide on our 80 acres and live debt free for a couple of years. Then we will build our house. Not having a house payment has been too enjoyable to go back too. So we have simply decided not to.

Blah, blah, blah. This post is about what I've learned in six months of small.

760 sq feet. That's the size. I LOVE IT!

There are a couple of little things that I would like different, but it's a rental and we are fine.

I have learned that I can live without a microwave. I have also decided that I don't want a microwave in any other house we get either.

I have learned that I like not having a dishwasher. I don't want to go back to having that appliance either. If not for any other reason than having my children have more work to do. I know they would disagree with me on that one though!

I like having only one room to congregate in. I only want a family room now in our new house. I no longer want a library room, office, music room, living room, parlor, and whatever, whatever. I've realized that these rooms separated our family. We are around each other more now. That means we talk, play, laugh, sing, read and interact with each other. Another good lesson learned.

I've learned we only need one bathroom. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get over ruled on only having one bathroom in our new house however. We won't have three or four now for sure though!

Having a big backyard, with trees a plenty and acres of free roaming space (complete with water flowing through it) is absolutely lovely for an awesome core phase!

We don't really miss our dressers. Everyone has rolling cubbies under their beds with their clothes in it. I want to get hooks/pegs for hanging up some clothing and old fashioned trunks for the rest of our clothing when we have more room in our 1200 sq foot house (the single wide). Dressers mean owning more clothing.
We got rid of a lot of clothing when we down sized and I realize we still have too much clothing. So I don't miss the clothing we got rid of.

This goes along with the previous thought. We don't need big closets. We won't be building a master closet in our new house and we will only put a small one in each room. Just enough for church clothes and three pairs of shoes (church shoes, tennis shoes and flip flops). In fact if I can get away with it I only want one bedroom closet for the whole house and have everyone's church clothes/shoes in that closet. So probably our bedroom because my husband needs some closet space for his business clothes. I'll just put the flip flops and tennis shoes in the mudroom. Yes, I like that idea quite a bit.

We want a big mud room! We will store our "weapons," laundry stuff, winter clothing, our Boggs (snow/mud/rain/irrigation boots), etc in this room. Liberty said she would give up square footage in her room to ensure a bigger mud room.

We are definitely glad that we brought the piano into the house (instead of putting it in storage). It's a little squishy in the living room, but two of the children have taken off on their piano since we moved here.
I do miss my/our books. We only have one bookshelf with books right now in the house. I did get rid of A LOT of books when we moved. I only left the classics. I got rid of Scholastic books, cartoony books, pop fiction, public school looking books/workbooks, and other twaddle. I haven't missed them. There is always the library to borrow from. I still have three bookshelves worth of books in boxes in the garage. I can access them and they've been gone through regularly. I look forward to having room for the bookshelves again. I don't waste my money at the thrift store on books anymore unless I know the book will be cherished and read and reread (a classic).

I like having less stuff in the kitchen. I think I am going to get rid of most of the extra kitchen stuff I saved just in case. More dishes and stuff just means more stuff to get dirty before you wash-pretty soon you just have a mess and it depresses you. I like washing as I go and always being caught up.

I love that all the art projects/crafts are gone. What a waste of resources with the glue, the markers, papers, crayons, glitter, paints, etc. etc! I am so glad they are gone!!!!!! I have found my children have learned to be creative in real ways. They make real things now like sewing, knitting, carving, etc. Their free-time play is also very, very creative. I think their creative juices flow on a much, much higher level now than ever before.
Really, I think they are doing just fine with no glitter and tubs of glue! I feel much better myself. I should post pictures of Liberty's quilts-very creative and beautiful. She has some pictures up on her blog for those who know her blog address.

We also downsized to one notebook and a sketch book for each child. They can get a new book anytime they have finished their old ones. They draw neater, they write neater and they do not waste. Amazing. I admit I was a little disbelieving with the whole concept, but it's awesome.

I like having a little house because since I am striving to have "family work" for several hours a day we definitely can deep clean the house and keep it clean always.

I have thrived in having less stuff around me in general. I will be getting rid of lots of stray boxes in the garage. If I didn't want it in the last six months I don't think I will need it now. I feel the freedom to live my life now instead of feeling like I needed to organize, clean and dust all of the time.

I will miss this house. Everyone always acts like I should be miserable living here though. However, it has totally changed my thought process and will impact the rest of my life.

Small is good. Simplicity is good. Having less "stuff" is very good!

The Headgate Revisited

About a month ago I realized that I hadn't read "The Headgate" article in quite a long while. Somehow in my move it had been misplaced. I emailed and received a new copy. It was the one thing I did read while on our latest trip. I have been pondering it this last month.

So just what are my thoughts now after a year of first being introduced to it? Still love it! I came away with a strong impression again about how true the principles are. These principles aren't new, they've been around a long time, but I respond to the way she articulated the principles in her article.

Through rereading it I was able to review and look back over the changes we had made the last year and say we grew and changed significantly in our family. What a year of growth we had. I didn't do wonderful with all the principles but there was a great awareness and application that took place. Below are the five aspects of The Headgate. I have "scored" how I thought I did this past year. I will then talk about each principle.

1. Create a House of Order Score: Good
2. Require Work Score: Okay
3. Inspire Daily Score: Good
4. Understand Lessons and Daily Application Score: Fair
5. Close the Headgates Score: Great
   

Create a House of Order. I gave myself a good on this. Most of this step was something that I thought that I already knew, understood and applied. I didn't really focus on this step and so I think I missed some application that I now understand.

I did learn a lot about this subject this past year in other readings I pursued. I learned about gender roles, modesty and submission. There were some examples of this step on her website that at the time (a year ago) I didn't accept. I don't know now that I agree with here absoluteness on those situations, but I am much, much more in agreement with her now. I realize that I need to embrace my role of wife and mother and not pawn it off on my husband because I'm tired, etc.

Another thought I had while striving to do a better job of letting my husband preside and protect me was that often I tend to jump in and "man-handle" the situation since I felt my husband couldn't. Upon reflecting I thought about the word "man-handle." That was exactly what I have been doing, and that is very wrong. I am now striving to submit and embrace my gender role. In that process I have seen more order in my home as well as finding that I am finding greater happiness personally.

I am rereading this step again now with more understanding. More thoughts have come on how I can improve.

Require Work. I only gave myself an okay on this step. I was asked recently by a reader how I have done with requiring work in our little house. We have really improved overall from where we were at a year ago, but still we haven't done so hot. This is a powerful principle that has been the very hardest for me to apply. When I'm not focused it's easy to just end up doing school work in the morning instead of working. I have long since jumped off of the conveyor belt but sometimes I can see traces of it still popping up in random places. When we buckle down and work we get an amazing amount accomplished and we all feel great (despite sometimes an initial grouchy attitude). I see instant results when I refocus on work in our home. The kids cherish their free time and use it very wisely.

At least half of the boys' free time they choose to spend learning. They read a tremendous amount, but they also play hard outside. (Right now they are building a fort like the Sackett fort). Since rereading the Headgates I have reapplied this principle and again seen tremendous results.

The hard step in this is figuring out what to clean after you've cleaned everything very well. This is especially hard in this little house. There are only so many walls to clean! I strive for about two hours (hopefully in the morning) of work. If we have to go somewhere in the afternoon and they won't get their free time I usually let up on the morning work a little. As I've struggled to figure out work to assign the simple answer has been to pray for help to know what they should do. As always when I knock the Lord will give an answer. He cares what they do for work also! Involving Him in the daily work plan helps motivate me to stay on this path and not deviate back to old tendencies.

Another principle that I relearned was her way to teach work (which comes from Lara Gallagher).  First they work with, then near and then independently of you.

To recap: We did okay this past year, but I have a strong testimony that requiring work is vital. I am recommitted to this step!

Inspire Daily. We scored a good on this. This principle I have learned and studied about in great detail through TJEd. Since reading this article I have limited my momschool time with them to just reading the current read a loud. By this I mean that my momschool/kidschool does not include a long or short list of things to read, practice and get through with them. Usually after dinner (at noon) I read a couple of chapters to whoever wants to listen. This is most often just the middle two. My read a louds are targeted to them as they need the most inspiring. Liberty has no problem going off and reading by herself. The last couple of books we have read are the first two Sackett books by Louis L'Amour, The Red Scarf Girl, The Hiding Place and now we are reading The Story of the Trapp Family Singers. We have had great discussions and they have been inspired by these stories. My simple goal has been to have them reading hundreds of books on their own. While they haven't read anywhere close to hundreds of books they have read a great many.

My husband and I have discussed how that the last couple of weeks we really feel that we are seeing a tremendous fruit of our labors with our children. They have an amazing breath of knowledge and are very well behaved. (The 8 year old sometimes has a problem with the wiggles and giggles in Primary and Cubscouts. He is doing a lot better though). The fruits we have seen I believe can be traced back to the hours we have spent in the classics together. I also attribute their compressive knowledge of gospel doctrine and scripture events to the hours upon hours we have studied together in daily family scripture study. They have been inspired not only in the classics but in the scriptures and all of them read the scriptures daily on their own with often no prompting.

Understand Lessons and Daily Application. I gave myself a fair on this one. In all fairness my children already know how to read and write and so there weren't necessarily lessons that needed to be learned from a 3R's standpoint. So here again is a step I sort of glossed over thinking I had it down. In hindsight I realize that I did miss out on some things. I did hold some writing lessons a year ago, but I was bored and they were bored and we dropped it.

Some important principles in this step are the "return and report" model which I already had a testimony in. This is an important model to adapt to my life.

Another important part of this step is to only teach them information that they need right them. Her example of not vomiting all the phonics rules on the them in first reading lesson is very valid.

I have also agreed with her point of teaching them things that are the most practical and things they can get daily application out of. I have refocused on this and noticed that there are basics things that my kids didn't know. A simple, silly example of this is during family prayer. We sing a hymn every time we have family prayer and sometimes we need hymnals for the hymn that is chosen. We realized through a couple of events that our children didn't not know how to share a hymn book. It usually broke out into a fight. At church the pews we sit on hold four hymnals. One for each child and one for me to share with whoever is sitting by me. (Hubby is on the stand). Because of this I hadn't ever realized that they couldn't (or wouldn't) share. So we had a "How to share the hymnal properly with your neighbor-whoever that may be" lesson. Since then they apply that regularly when we sing for family prayer. Another silly lesson is that we also noticed they were putting their scriptures away while a speaker was bearing their testimony at the end of a FHE lesson or a talk at church. We taught them how rude this is and that etiquette required them to wait until after the meeting was over to organize their belongings. These are simple lessons that they apply on an almost daily basis now and so these lessons are understood.

There are many lessons I realize that I need to teach my children that have nothing to do with math and science, but are important for life. This is another step that I realize that there are many things I can still be working on with my family.

Close the Headgates. We did so fantastic at this! This was my focus the entire year. The concept was talked about continually in our family and also among our friends. It is a regularly understood term. We not only removed 75% of our personal belongs, but we also put up the TV and the Wii.  We do still have them though. In the 9 months or so since we put up the Wii we have gotten it out once and we didn't even really play with it.  (I think we will probably get rid of it soon?) We have gotten out the TV/DVD more than that, but it's a chore to get it and we have it narrowed down to a very select list of movies we watch. I'd say we average a movie once a month.

Are children really don't have any toys now. They don't even care. They have some army men. They play with those occasionally. Maybe once a month. Lego's? We still have them, but they are put up also. In the fall they got them out a couple of times but didn't play with them very long and asked if we could put them away. I think they'll want to get rid of them soon.

So what do they play with? They have their "high impact battle swords" (I think that name is funny and I always say it. Sorry). They also bought fowling pieces at Valley Forge a couple of weeks ago. They also play with sticks, rope, yarn (when they ask permission) and metal junk they find on our land in the old barns. They play hard and make forts and fight in wars together. Their weapons get "checked" at the door in the mud room because chivalry says you don't come into a home armed.

Gone are the electronic toys, gone are the art supplies, gone are the costumes, gone are the puzzles and gone is the junk! It has been so liberating and wonderful.

I can't neglect to add that I removed personal headgates from my life that I was "busy" with and it has allowed me to focus on learning, inspiring and living my gender roles. I can't begin to describe how life changing these concepts have been for our family
In Conclusion, The Headgate article has truly brought amazing changes to our family. We have seen wonderful growth. The principles that I applied have helped me understand the principles of Zion and it prepared me to receive so much further light and knowledge that I would not have received had I not closed my own personal headgates. Once I allowed our family to be released of some of society's trappings I found growth. I look forward to better applying the other principles that I skipped over before.

A Whirl of a Catch Up

 I had all of these amazing posts started about all the changes we have made and loved.  I'll just have to bullet list them here for you because it doesn't look like they are going to be written or finished. (I'll post later on today about why).

• We still have individual scripture study, journal, prayers (and personal prep) time before breakfast.  We now call this "Foundation Study Time."  Referencing we are building our foundation on Christ each morning (Heleman).
• We eat breakfast. Green Smoothies.  Love them.  Even Determination is partaking.  It's been a good 5 months since we started.  He was just having oatmeal or another hot cereal.  Now he has an orange juice, banana and 1 spinach leaf smoothie.  He has requested we had a little more spinach every day along with some flax seed.  He still is not prepared to do the strawberries, blueberries or other mixed fruit.  That's the best part though!  So we are proud of him considering he has an aversion to all things healthy that are not a grain or a legume. (meaning all fruits and veggies) This is an example of teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.  He understands the why and now after 5 months he has mustered up the courage.
• We still have Family Scripture study after/during breakfast.  We still do our weekly goals and our weekly scripture memorization. We call this "Family Foundation Study Time."
• We have added "Grammar School" to our line up.   We start with song, prayer, more songs, memorizing "Living Christ," everyone sharing a scripture/thought with history from their morning scripture study, then we have another family scripture study (we've been taking our sweet time doing the Creation-a day every day-I am determined to focus exclusively on the Creation, the Fall, The Atonement and Plan of Salvation right now), math (Life of Fred  for the older two, Saxon for the younger two until they are ready for the first Life of Fred book), piano practice rotating, copywork for littles out of the  Book of Mormon, (Dictation when they are a little older), essay assignments for Liberty, and spelling words from the Book of Mormon.  We are exclusively focusing on the 3 R's right now.  Because I jumped off the conveyor belt 8 months ago I have an entirely different mindset.  I am enjoying every second of this time.  We just do whatever we get to.  Sometimes we do all of it and finish at 11.  Sometimes we spend an hour discussing 3 verses in the Bible and we don't get everything "done."  I DON'T CARE THOUGH! Whew! That's an improvement for me and my check off lists.  Liberating you know.  I am finally just BEing with my children.  I am following the spirit to know what we should discuss.  Oh, life is good this way.
• When you graduate from "Grammar School" you get to have your Scholar or whatever you want to call it course written up.  We haven't made it this far yet.  I'm envisioning that we will fast together with the youth and go to the temple with them. (Since they have standing youth recommends).  We will discuss what we think they need to focus on to prepare for their life.  Liberty (12) is really almost there.  She is checked off in spelling and reading.  She needs a little work in composition.  We've decided that passing arithmetic means finishing the first two Life of Fred books.  (Oh, and in the olden days they called it the 3 R's. Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. They didn't call it math.  I'm a slow learner).
• When my children do their spelling and their math they do it all on lap wipe boards.  We are minimizing here by not needing extra paper.  They enjoy the variety of this.  I give them a spelling word and then they write it down and "reveal" their answers.  Sometimes we have guessing game drills.  I know you are surprised.  We thrive on facts in this house.  I'll say what is the date of the dedication of the Kirkland Temple or something and they'll write their answers down and then they reveal and see if they got it right. We use paper for composition and copywork.
• We have a reading hour after lunch.  We usually exceed this.  The older two boys really needed the "forced" time to read.  This sounds horrible I know.  They are loving it now, because they have pushed through their reading levels.  Determination (10) has read Mrs. Frisby and is 1/2 through a Narnia in the last week.  He is reading every spare minute he can now. Imagination (9) has read a Narnia and he is busting through  The Hobbit with ease this past week.  Determination didn't like doing hard things before now he's pushed through that and Imagination doesn't mind doing hard things but he get distracted and starts a new book every day.  That is solving their problems.  Leader (8)-the one that doesn't like being told what to do-is reading with me during this time.  We've had some tears and some sadness but he is fast improving.  He knows I love him though and he is trying hard.  When his time is up he'll say, "Mom I did it! I did a hard thing!" He is gaining a lot of confidence.  Reading for Liberty is a piece of cake.  She asked if her scholar studies could be composed of her just reading literature for all hours of the day. I smiled and said we might need some sewing, canning, childcare, etc skills in there.
• We do our family work in the afternoon.  We were being too lazy in the afternoon.  Breaking it up helps "wake us up."
• Our cleaning is going super.  We are only using baking soda and vinegar to clean.  We still need the castille soap to make laundry detergent so we haven't done that. Liberty loves cleaning this way.  I doubt we will every go back.
• We have changed our eating.  We still have our green smoothies as I mentioned.  We no longer have lunch at noon.  We have dinner at noon.  We have our big meal of the day at mid day.  At 5 or 6 PM we have super.  This is how all the old timers use to eat.  I remember my grandparents eating like this.  We all ready have noticed a huge difference in how we feel!!!!  Since we don't eat 'lunch' gone are the sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, chicken nuggets and all the nasty lunch food.  I mean the mentality to eat lunch food is gone.  We have whatever we were eating in the evening at noon now.  For super we have corn on the cob or bread and milk.  Whatever. Very simple, very light.  It's amazing to me that we really aren't hungry for super anyway.  We go to bed with lighter bellies.  Mr. Patriot is only home in the evening to eat with us about half the time anyway.  He usually eats left overs for noon and 5 anyway.  We will still enjoy great noon time dinners on Saturday and Sunday together though.  Mr. Patriot is the biggest advocate of this change and has noticed the most difference.
• We still do geography and history at every meal.  That is simply a way of life for us.  They also continue to focus on their memorizing lists only because they want to.

That's all I can think of now.  I 'm off to pack.

Finding Our Center

This week has been a week of reflection, prayer, scripture reading and some in depth conference talk reading. Whew!  I have brainstormed and have made lists.  I have cried and I have repented.  I think I'm emerging out of the darkness now to find our center.

We like the idea of having a center.  A center where Christ "lives" and where we "live" with Him.  I have thought about everything I've ever learned in Thomas Jefferson Education, Charlotte Mason, Headgates, blogging friends, "real" friends, family, society, the scriptures and our living prophets.  I have been blessed with so many ideas and so much truth.  I am so grateful for it.  So what is truth for us though? How do we stay centered in Christ and be who Christ wants us to be?  Lots of ideas and lots of thoughts.

I really thought I had it last night.  Then this morning I took my game plan to my husband.  He said it was good, but he said it was too much, scale back he said.  He said I had too many compulsory things going on.  To say I was mildly displeased would be an understatement.  However, I'm submissive and trust him completely and so I went back to the Lord.  Then the idea came to ask my children what they wanted and how they thought being centered looked to them. Duh.

So we chatted.  We had to have a couple of sessions of discussion today because of timing.  (My sweet husband's not home much at all on Sundays-1 1/2 hours total today- so we were winging it without him with his permission).  Their ideas were interesting.  We discussed long and hard some issues.  Some of my kids just said, "Mom, whatever you want to do is great."  That's good. However,  I have two kids that don't like being told what to do, and so I had to talk a lot with them until we all were able to compromise. My favorite phrase of "teach them correct principles" came in to play.  After I had gone over the principles they were able to understand and they were will to submit and act in faith. (I'm talking about things like requiring math here just so you know).

(On a side note that doesn't have anything to do with anything...Today in Sacrament Meeting they were talking about something with the children/youth being prepared and how strong they were.  Imagination tugged my sleeve and whispered in my ear, "We 'know' in our family mom because we have been raised by a mother that knows."  That made me feel good.  Maybe I haven't ruined them).

Anyway....we made some decisions.  It was a beautiful experience.  They are now prepared to submit to our new plan and our quest to stay centered with the living Christ.  Perhaps we will change more later, in fact I'm sure we will.  I think all plans are made based on personalities and different levels of understanding. I think that it looks different in every family.  I have spent too much time doing what everybody else said looked good in their family.  It looked good in ours too, but it just wasn't the best for us, it wasn't us.  Every family is so unique. This time I feel just plain "centered."  I feel as if I'm finally doing it right for the first time.  Not that the other ideas weren't great, they were, but we have a mesh of all the great things out there now and we have a purpose and plan.  A plan that the Lord approves and one that we are suppose to do.

It's freeing really.  I'll post some details over the next couple of days only to give you ideas.

Question: How often do you use your binders?

Question: After you have set your goals and collected things you may need for that, do you review/use your binders frequently? Is it something you pull out daily and go over with the kids or less frequently? Is it more of a checklist that you mark off when a certain goal is accomplished or is it more guidelines that just keep you on track?

Answer:  I think everyone uses their binders and compasses differently. Our binder is a collection of several things.  It includes our compass, which is our 6 month goals. Our binder also includes our skills lists that we are working on.  Right now my children have a cooking and a cleaning skills list in their binder. The binder also contains special papers, things they are memorizing, and any thing else they want.

 In our home we keep our binder in our "library room" on a shelf.  Every Monday morning we set new goals for the week during our scripture study.  We all encourage each other to set short term goals that will help us reach our long goals in our compass.  Each day we review these goals.  We look at our compass goals every week or two to remind us what is on there.  Some of us do check off our goals when we accomplish them.  Other's like just reviewing them and know where they are at.

Visit these posts for more information:
Family Goal Setting
The Compass and The Binder
My Compass

You may also enjoy this post from Cinder Mountain Scholars:
The Binder and the Compass

Simplfying my Life

Since I found Headgates I have massively dejunked my house.   Since I never was a pack rat before and I was a queen of organization I was very surprised to see how many things we had that we really didn't need.  Too much stuff!!

The first thing I did was I got rid of all our extra stuff.  Everything from movies, spatulas, plastic plants, sheets, clothes to lots and lots of books and toys. Why did I have so much stuff?

Once I started getting rid of  our stuff I was finally able to give up so many things that I had emotionally been holding onto. In that process I learned to think about things in a whole new way.  I finally began to understand what it meant to simplify my life (which didn't mean reorganize my stuff) and I began to love it.

Some of the things I things I've learned include:

• We aren't going to spend Christmas/birthdays on the accumulation of more things.
• I don't want to spend my time dusting and cleaning. Read here.
• I don't want to spend my time reorganizing my organized clutter.
• We wasted too much time watching movies.
• We had too many books that weren't good books. They were mindless books that brought no value.  Abridged books were the first too go.
• I only want to buy quality products now that have lasting value.  I want appliances that I will take to a repair shop because they are worth repairing.  This contrasts my previous view of buying cheap stuff and throwing it away when it ceased to operate.
• We only need one or two extra pair of sheets not a dozen.
• We only need four of five pairs of pants and no more than a dozen shirts for everyday.
• We only need a minimum amount of shoes.
• We don't need a thousand paper clips.
• We spent too much on junk from the grocery store.
• Walmart is a temptation to buy things you don't need and are low in quality. Avoid unless needing the necessary things.  But then are those things really necessary?
• We waste too much paper.  We now only use the minimum. Read here.
• My kids are happier playing with their two or three remaining toys and playing outside than they were before with too many to count and pick up.
• We don't need a play room any more.
• My kids really do choose to read and learn in their free time now.
• I study and am happier more now that I don't feel overwhelmed about organizing my stuff.
• We spent more time together as a family.  We interact, we play and we talk.

I've learned a lot.  Who knew we could live with so few things?  I continue to get rid of more and more things on a weekly basis.  It's amazing to me how many things keep showing up.  I have definately learned to rethink my choices with what I spend Mr. Patriot's hard earned money on.  I ask myself things like, "Is this item worth one or two hours (or five, six....) of my husband's life working so I can buy this?"  "Is this something I really need?"  "What purpose will it serve?" "Will it help us come closer to Christ and to each other as a family?"  "Is it an item of quality or will it break easily?" "Is it easy to clean?"  These things have helped me to pare down what we have.

I can't not begin to really state how amazing it is to be free of so many idols, time-wasters, space-wasters, energy-drainers, and money-wasers.

Challenge: Take inventory of the things in your house. Do you really need it? Get rid of it all! That's what I did.  I learned I could live without so many things.  You'll find that it's all just stuff anyway!

Some thoughts from yesterday....

I thought I would share how wonderful it is to have a schedule again. Our annual break ended up being eight weeks instead of six, which I think was too long. I am not sure what we'll do next year. The kids were more than happy to get up yesterday and start the day off with our "real schedule"again. Our schedule is much the same as it was before our annual break started. We only added skills classes to our free time option. These are planned in advance and I only plan on doing one a day, we'll see. We also switched up piano practicing schedule. Liberty practices in the morning before breakfast still. I am also practicing in the morning now before breakfast. The boys take turns practicing during family work time. That really works out a lot better.


I guess I also added journal time to our early morning routine. I've been amazed how much they enjoy that. Before we started back into our schedule the boys have been writing in their journal a couple of times a week on their own for the last month or so.

I'm also determined to do a better job about having family time at the end of the day. That was one part of our schedule that I didn't do as well with this past winter/spring.

I also want to say that I have been getting up at 5 AM just like I made a goal too.  I had stopped during our Annual break.  I am much more ambitious when I get up early.  Please remember though that I am not pregnant, my baby is eight, I have no health problems and my husband gets up with the dog.  That all means that I sleep well at night and have not excuse to not get up early and obey the commandment to do so.

The kids did really well at trying to be efficient.  They also went to bed much more quickly because they were so tired. : )  Leader even feel asleep during FHE.  I love it when my children our tired at night.  I feel like I did something right then!

Efficiency

I had some big beautiful plans that once August 1 rolled around we would be able to end our "Annual Break" (TJED recipe) and start right back into our schedule.  And then life happened.  We ended up having my brother and his family, who are wonderful, stay with us for almost two weeks.  They had some complications with their life and their 36 hour visit lasted a bit longer.  Now, we had a grand time but we didn't have a schedule.  Towards the end of last week we did at least start having breakfast at 8:30 again and I started getting up early again.  I have high hopes for this week

So last night we had a family council to go over the schedule again and our family work schedule.  Maybe one of these mornings I'll post about that.  So today we should be "back in the saddle again" as so many say around here.

As I was discussing things with our children and while we were trying to get them into bed earlier than they are use to going at the present I noticed my children have a lack of

Efficiency!

When it takes us an hour to get an 8, 9, 10 and 12 year old to bed I think their may be a problem.  Water breaks, teeth brushing, potty breaks, kisses and hugs, prayers, fighting, more kisses and hugs, in and out of bed.  It doesn't end. When I say it's time for breakfast chores they scatter like the wind and what should take 5 minutes somehow ends up taking 30 minutes.  Does anyone else have this problem?  Of course I realize I shouldn't say they have a problem with efficiency I should say I haven't taught them to be efficient.

New plan.  Teach my children how to be efficient.  I decided that we would start doing vocabulary words. The purpose not being to teach them random words, but to teach them new words and have them apply them to their life.  I'm not sure how long it will last but at least until we get the word efficiency down. So I pulled out my handy dandy 1828 Websters Dictionary and read: "Causing effects; producing; that causes any thing to be what it is...."  My own definition would be, "making good use of your time especially with your stewardships."  

So my first plan was to teach them the meaning. (check) Now to encourage them to make goals and recognize situations in their life times when they can be more efficient.  I plan to review the word daily for a while.  Perhaps if they know the word then they can become the word right?

The Six Month No

It has become time to think about the "Six Month No" again.  It's my least favorite ingredient in some ways and my favorite in other ways.  I don't like it because I have to give up things that I like.  It is my favorite because I feel liberated when I finally give myself permission to stop doing some things and I have more time to do what I feel is the most important for that six months.

(The "six month no" is a part of the Thomas Jefferson Education program.  The idea is that every six months every one evaluates the things they are doing.  They decide if they should stop doing something.  It helps to keep us focused and to choose to do things that are no longer productive and helpful for our current situation).

This time around this is what got axed:

• Writing on four blogs. I only have my private family blog and this one now.
• On-line BYU classes.  I learned a fabulous amount of history in the last three years though.
• 4-H Cloverbud Leader.  No sorrow there.
• Our state's Distance Education Academy.  Lots of reports and testing.  I did enjoy it while we did it.  Great people.  Great resources.  But time to move on.

There's a time for everything though right?  Maybe some day I'll start my classes up again and I'll be able to write for all sorts of blogs and magazines?  For now life is good.  I feel in control again.

Have any of you done a six month no lately?

The Compass and the Binder

Can you tell that I am so excited to be thinking about educational things and goals again???? I am very excited to think about these things just so I am very clear. 

Now that our annual break is over we are moving on to updating our binders and our compass.  Ingredient #16-The Binder, in the TJEd Core and Love of Learning Ingredients suggests making goals every six months.  This is called "The Compass."  For sake of a more creative name we do call our 6 month goals our compass.  We compile our compass, skills lists we are working on (cooking, cleaning, etc), special papers, things they want to memorize and whatever other information  we need to accomplish our goals into "The Binder."

For this six months our compass includes:

• Core phase goals (some aren't in the habit of scripture reading, journal writing, room cleaning, saying prayers, teeth brush, etc without a reminder so they continue to include this until they have habits)
• Books they want to read
• Things they want to memorize
• Piano Goals
• Skills classes they want to take
• Things they want to learn

So far Determination (10), Imagination (9) and Leader (8) are the only ones who have set theirs.  In the next couple of days the rest of us will have written our compass and reorganized our binders. We have been thinking of them though. Mr. Patriot doesn't have a binder but he does keep a six month compass and keeps it current with us.

Here is Determination's (age 10) Compass for the fall:

• Core phase Goals
• Say prayers morning and night without reminder
• Read a chapter in the Book of Mormon before breakfast without a reminder
• Write in journal before breakfast
• Brush my teeth morning and night with out a reminder
• Book to Read
• Eldest
• Greek Gods
• Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh
• Things to Memorize
• In depth dates, places and key events with all American Wars (He already knows all the wars and their approximate dates, but now he wants to memorize exact dates and battles).
• Periodic Table
• US States and Capitals
• Beethoven piano piece (this isn't from the recital, this is a new one, just because he "wants to")
• Piano Goals
• Learn the above Beethoven piece
• Finish the Orange Faber books
• Skill Classes to Take
• Cursive Writing
• Fractions, Decimals and Percentages
• Grammar
• LEMI's Pyramid Project
• Things to Learn
• American History-Thomas Edison and The French and Indian War very in depth
• World History-French History
• Geography-In depth study of French geography
• French-Alphabet, basic words and numbers

I don't know what his fascination is with France right now.  He's in serious love of learning though!

Here is Imagination's (age 9) Compass:

• Core Phase Goals
• Have room picked up every morning before breakfast with out a reminder
• Write in my journal every morning before breakfast
• Remember to brush my teeth morning and night
• Read for an hour every day in a chapter book
• Remember to say my prayers morning and night
• Books to Read
• The Cat of Bubastes: A Tale of Ancient Egypt
• Usborne's Stories of Shakespeare
• Things to Memorize
• 12 Modern Day Apostles  (He has a much harder time memorizing than the older two.  They had the apostles memorized at 2 and 5).
• American Wars in order (French and Indian War, Revolutionary War, War of 1812, etc)
• Skills Classes to Take
• Cursive Writing
• Advaned Creative Writing
• Grammar
• Spelling
• Advanced Chess
• Piano Goals
• Practice 20 minutes a day
• Finish the Red Faber books
• Things to Learn
• American History-Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War
• World History-Pompeii & Rome and Greece
• Science-Tsunamis and Volcanoes
 

Return and Report

I was recently asked to share some hints and helps with the concept of returning and reporting.  I have been thinking about it a lot this week.  How can we make returning and reporting an easier part of our family routine?  Before we can answer that question I think we need to establish what is "returning and reporting" and why should we do it.

What is returning and reporting?  When someone is given an assignment they are expected to return to the person and give a reporting of the discharge of their responsibilities.  Within the church the concept of return and report is found with those given stewardships and callings.   

In the parable of the talents we learn that a man who "travelling into a far country" gave three servants talents to do with "according to his several ability... After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them."  (Matthew 25: 14-30).  This parable illustrates an example of return and report.

Elder Romney said in a welfare training,

"Remember, brethren, to return and report is the final act of the faithful and wise steward."

We also see examples of return and report in our temples, Personal Priesthood Interviews, each April when the financial report of the church is read in General Conference and within the visiting and home teaching programs.  Returning and reporting is our way of being responsible for the stewardships we have been given.

What does that have to do with the home though?  I present that our greatest stewardship is with our family.  Within our family at the close of the day I return and report to Heavenly Father regarding my stewardship in being a wife and mother.  I explain my successes and my frustrations and I seek guidance on how I can carry out my responsibilities better.  I also kneel down in prayer with my spouse each evening and we also pray about our stewardships together.  I think we all do this, but I haven't always recognized it as a time that I return and report.

In a physical sense the biggest way that return and report is carried out in my family is during our family work time.  When we have family work I give an assignment to a child and they are expected to do it and then return to me and tell me they have completed the job.  This is helpful for practical reasons in a couple of ways.  The first is that I know the job was done.  For example my son Imagination (9) often forgets what he is doing.  On a way to a task he might suddenly "see a dragon jump out a closet and he must save the family from the forces of evil." After he has successfully saved us he has forgotten what he was assigned to do in the first place.  So when I haven't seen him in a while I know that the task wasn't done as opposed to hours later when I "assumed" the bathrooms had been cleaned. 

The second reason is that when they report I am immediately able to check on their work.  This ensures that the work is done correctly during family work.  In the past I found that I wouldn't notice the sweep/mop job until much later.  Since it was much later I usually would just "fix" the job instead of them learning from their mistakes.  I wasn't helping them improve and on the rare instances when I did call them back they were irritated at being interrupted for work when they were in the middle of another project.  It just helps everyone! Yesterday for example Liberty (12) vacuumed the living room five times before she was checked off.  But at least it was done correctly during work time instead of later.  Hopefully she will also learn that it's much easier to just do it right the first time!

The third reason is simply to teach them a spiritual principle in a physical situation.  Much like the Law of Moses.  Learn the physical first and the spiritual will be more readily understood later.

These principles can be applied in any area of family living.  Establishing a clear routine for home education that includes return and report is also a great way to teach responsibility.

How can we teach return and report in our home?  Now to finally answer my friend's question.  This is what I did/do with a few other suggestions.

1. Teach them correct principles.  This is my number one rule when I teach my children anything that involves their cooperation.  I/we teach them the principle in a family council.  We discuss it.  We back it up with scriptures and living prophets.  We discuss some more.  They ask a lot of questions.  We continue to discuss it until they will all commit to living it.  This is half the battle of course.  When they understand the truth they are willing to live it.  The next hardest thing after this is remembering!
2. Write down the assignments you give.  I haven't had to do this but perhaps it may be helpful to some.  You can make your cleaning list (or school plan) out a head of time and include space to write who the assignment was given to.  You may even want to write what time the assignment was given and have a space to check when they were signed off as done.  This is good for us list makers.  I think I'm talking myself into making a list now....
3. Keep assignments short. In the beginning it may help you and them to return and report if they have five or ten minute assignments verses longer assignments like "do the laundry" or "clean all the bathrooms." Instead it could be clean the toilet and then report back to me for a report check. This can also prevent a job that is in the process of being done poorly from completely bombing an hour later. This will save tears and mistakes if the correction is made early on.
4. You can make a game out of it.  Perhaps you can make a game about beating their time each week cleaning the toilet.  Of course they know they have to do it right, but if you have a list you can be keeping a record.  That wouldn't be at the top of my list to do, but I would give out beans (Bean Counter Game. See recipe #5 in Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning) every time they remembered to return and report for example.

These are of course ideas. See this post here to generate more ideas about return and report and teaching them correct principles first. Regardless I hope that I have articulated the concept of return and report and you can see the value of it. How do you use it in your life?

Our Daily Schedule

I like having a schedule.  I refuse to be a slave to it however.  I find it provides the structure and motivation I need to do the things that I need to do, but I still feel I can throw it out the door when life happens.  Our schedule is always a work in progress and continues to be adapted to meet our needs and phases.  We have been happily settled into this schedule for the last six or so months and have found great success with it.

We are currently entrenched in our 6 week "Annual Break" (see TJEd ingredient) and are not following our schedule rigidly right now.  We still do all the things listed, but we are much freer on our bed times and wake up times.  We are enjoying late night campfires, working outdoors including gardening, visiting family and friends, preparing for girls camp and working hard on our 4-H projects.  We plan to keep back into gear with our schedule August 1 as our summer projects will be done.  (There's always campaigning but that is our life now).

We are fortunate that Mr. Patriot is self-employed and has a flexible schedule.  He is able to be an active participate in our home education.  How blessed I am to have such a supportive man by my side!

I have thoroughly enjoyed learning about other home educators schedules through the years because it gives me great ideas. No two schedules will ever be exactly the same though. Different personalities, learning styles, and dad's work schedule all require individual adaptation.   I hope something in our schedule will spark ideas for your life.

Our Schedule
Before 8:30 AM-All family members "deslob" for day, read scriptures, say prayers and write in journals
8:30-Breakfast
8:45-Family Scripture Study, Weekly Scripture Memorization, Review Goals and Family Prayer (Dad then leaves)
9:30-Family Work with children and myself alternating to practice the piano
11:30-Read a loud and any other mom school (kidschool) items I desire
12:30 PM-Eat Lunch
1:00-Free Time, Skills Classes offered
5:00-Prepare for dinner and clean up
5:30/6:00-Dinner
6:30-Clean Up
7:00-Family Time
9:00-Family Prayers, individual reading and/or go to sleep

Activities for Toddlers

I don't have toddlers anymore.  I wish I knew everything I know now back when I did have toddlers though!  So I'll answer a question I was asked about this in hopes that it can help.   It's what I would have done, but I can't practice it so I don't know how worthwhile the information is!

The main thing that I would do with toddlers is that I would have clear "free time" and "family work" times.  I would teach them what they are and what is expected out of the toddler when they are in that activity.

For family work time I would have them help me with all my household chores.  This takes real discipline from mom.  So you may have to work up to it!  A three year old can learn to sort clothes, fill the washer and fold laundry with moms help. They can match socks and help put small piles of clothes away.  A toddler can empty the silverware from the dishwasher.  They can set the table for dinner.  They can scrub a toilet and wash a wall.  There really is endless things they can do side by side with mom. 

By doing "real" family work and helping mom they gain great confidence in themselves and the vital aspect of self-worth within the family.  They learn discipline and increased stamina.  It is not work to them because they are with mom and they think it is fun. I did do this with my daughter and she learned to do all kinds of things as a toddler.  She is well disciplined now and works hard. (Why I didn't do it with the rest of them I don't know).

The toddler will learn colors from sorting laundry, sorting and categorizing skills from silverware, basic math when setting the table, etc.  If you spend time talking to them while you are working they can increase their vocabulary and verbal articulation skills.  You can memorize many things together.  Liberty learned the names of the 12 apostles at age two.  You can sing primary songs.  I would sing the Books of Scripture songs with them.  They  can learn anything.  They will learn if we have the patience to teach them.  Also they are tired when they are done!  Toddlers need to get worn out so they will sleep well at night and nap time.

When mom needs to address Baby's needs she can then dismiss the child for "free time."  The Toddler can learn that free time means "not bother mom time as well."  In the beginning this might only last 30 minutes, but over time they can increase the length.  They learn this is the time they get to play with their toys.  They can build with blocks, play outside if the yard is fenced, or play with whatever "lifeless toys" you choose to have.  (see the the Headgates article) I would help the child learn that they create their play and not have it dictated by hours of entertainment based toys and activities.  Children need to learn to play by themselves and not be entertained.  It is hard.  It's so much easier to turn on Dora.  Save Dora for emergencies.  With discipline though there should be few emergencies.

I'm embarrassed to say that free time for my toddlers was pretty much ALL day.  Free time included as many Blues Clues episodes as they wanted among other things.  Also they had a whole play room full of push button, cartoon toys.  They learned they wanted to be entertained.  I am paying dearly for that now.  I should have taught them that free time only happens for a couple of hours all day.  If only I knew then what I know now!

Of course you'd have times where you would read and play games.  And perhaps this time would be "mommy time."  I would also take them outside as much as possible.  This is vital.  This also wears them ou.  So when you have to be inside working on those things that can't involve the toddler they are willing to amuse themselves.

I would save the free time until you desperately need time for Baby or a shower or something.  They will be trained that they need to amuse themselves and that they need to leave you alone.  The discipline they are building is vital for when they are older and are trying to get through Shakespeare, Euclid and a host of other books and other physical and mental activities.  Training is hard, but focusing on it now when they are two and three is so much better then when they are older.  Trust me on this one!

So wear them out with work time so that when you need personal time they will be more than happy to run off and play by themselves.

If you have older children they can of course help with the toddler. They can do some mentoring of them also.

I highly recommend "Home Education" by Charlotte Mason which is volume 1 in her series, "The Original Home Schooling Series."

This is what I would do in hindsight and this is what I'm going to teach my daughter to do with her children.  I hope the information is helpful.  Please share your thoughts on activities with small children in applying these principles.

Family Work

This essay was written by me on a previous blog this spring.

In my pursuit of truth I have really found something beautiful in The Heatgates article. There were many things in this article that have been impactful. I'm grateful for other people who are pursuing truth and are willing to share it.

I haven't been all that good at administering family work in the past. Sure I've had the required "chore charts" that all good mothers must have and they take their turn doing the dishes. Yes, they clean their room, but they really weren't working. After reading the Headgates article I realized that I need to get them to work "their little britches off" to quote Lara Gallagher.

So we made a few changes. It's been over a month now so I feel like I can report on this little exercise. So far the results have been.................life changing. That sounds a little extreme but really they have been. Today, for example, I asked my 10 year son, who had already been cleaning for an hour, to go clean all the doors in the house and I showed him how. He said, "Sure mom, no problem." Not only did he clean them, but he really cleaned them and didn't fake his way through. I asked him how he was doing part way through and he said, "Good, but I can't get this part of that door clean. I'm really sorry. What would you like me to do about it?" Then when he was done he came and "returned and reported" that he had completed his assignment and what was his next assignment. That would not have happened two months ago. He would have been rolling on the floor with a fit in a wave of hysteria with the cries of, "How dare I ask him to do that and what was he anyway, my slave?" That sounds kind of sassy though and he's never been sassy, but he would have been desperately in the depths of despair to do any sort of work.

So how did this happen?

First I made my plan. How were we going to clean this house, what work would we do and when? That was what I call the “spiritual creation” step.

Then I sat the kids down and explained the game plan. I told them that we would now be doing two hours of family work every morning together as a family. I explained to them what would be expected of them. That it was work time and not play time. Anyone caught outside fighting with their sticks or inside hiding under the ping pong table reading a book would get 5 minutes per infraction in the corner administered during free time. I also told them what the blessings and benefits would be if they submitted to our work schedule (see below). I call this marvelous principle the “teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.” I rarely have problems with my kids when I do new things or take away toys. I've always explained why until they understand and then they just accept the new plans.

Then we went to work. Every morning with out fail we have worked for two hours. We've have deep cleaned this house inside and out. They are learning specific jobs and they are getting very good at them. Leader can now successfully be turned loose on cleaning the toilets for example. We've also been doing a lot of food preparation. I've made a lot of bread with them and other provident living food items. They must always report back to me when they are finished with a job. We usually work in the same area so they are close. This phase is of course affectionately called,”working their little britches off. “

I must comment first on the problem we are having. We have run out of things to clean. Sure we can clean the toilets, dust, clean windows, etc but that only lasts so long when there are so many able bodies available reporting for duty. They are also getting quicker with their jobs (not to mention there is less grime they are removing because we are staying up on everything). I don't like doing meaningless things so I'm starting to struggle with what do to fill up the time. We've had a month long wind storm happening so we have only been able to work outside twice. I'm hoping though when it gets nice we will work a lot outside and we have more then enough projects on our newly acquired 80 acres.

One idea that I've come up with is that we will make mass food (casseroles?) and freeze it in small serving sizes and then on other days we will go visit the elderly. I think this will be a great opportunity. They can learn core principles of keeping their baptismal covenants and learning some cooking skills all at the same time. I think we will also do some more home industries as my friend suggested. I want to do meaningful things that are making them into better people.

Now to the best part. Those blessings. First off my kids have learned that they can work hard, have fun and still be happy. I've learned that I can have my kids work hard, have fun and still be happy. I think the latter lesson has been the most valuable.

Perhaps the most amazing thing I've found is that my kids think deeply when they work. They are asking profound questions. They ask me questions about the book we are reading, a question about current events or even a question they had when they were reading their scriptures. These questions have sparked an amazing journey of discovery for them as we discuss things that will build character for their whole lives. I see them thinking. I see them changing. I see them becoming.

As a mother I could ask for nothing more.

Family Goal Setting

This was published on my previous blog.

I thought I would share a little ritual our family engages in every morning. Each morning, before we read family scriptures and practice our weekly scripture memorization, we review our weekly goals.

On Monday morning each family member sets from 1 to 3 goals. These goals are of the individuals own choosing. Goals set this week included:

• Read one chapter in Robinson Crusoe

• Practice the piano every day for 30 minutes

• Work on 4 and 5 multiplication tables

• Schedule swimming lessons

• Order more campaign banners

Sometimes we have to guide some one on a goal. We might ask them to be more specific. Then each day we review the goals with them. They don't have to report on their progress we just read and remind. At the end of the week we tally up how many goals were completed. Then we add that many beans to our bean counter jar. (Recipe ingredient from Thomas Jefferson Education). When our bean jar is full we will do a "wholesome family activity."

We find that this creates unity as each family member is encouraging each other’s progress. If someone struggled to obtain a goal we work with them on how to set a more realistic goal for the next week. We only accomplish about 2/3 of our goals in a week. But we each continue to work on and improve. We aren't interested in perfection only progression.

I also wanted to add that I know that "goal setting" is typically considered a scholar (or older youth/adult) activity. However each person pursues goals based on their phase (or grade/age). We use phases in our family. Leader, who is still solidly in core (with no intention of leaving anytime soon!), sets goals like: brush my teeth at night, take a bath every night, do my jobs without whining, etc. His goals are very much "core phase" goals. Determination and Imagination's are directed towards love of learning goals. Liberty makes scholar goals; read 100 pages in 1776, write an essay about Dolly Madison, answer questions from my mentor about Plutarch, etc. Mine revolve around Mentored Scholar/Depth. And finally Mr. Patriot's revolve around Mission phase; read incumbents voting record on public education and the economy, create an 'issues page' for campaign website, practice speech, reread Proper Role of Government, etc.

We have been successfully engaging in goal setting as a family since January and have found that it is a worthwhile part of our family time.

The Redo

I am a lover of the parenting technique the redo.  I'm not sure where I ever heard it to begin with, but I have since read about in Charlotte Mason's Original Works.  Miss Mason talks extensively in her books about habit formation (which I am certain I will continue to post about).  In regards to habits she says,

"The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days; while she who lets their habits take care of themselves has a weary life of endless friction with the children." Home Education, Volume 1, page 136.

I think redos are the perfect way to help our children get into the habit of good behavior and good work effort.  What is a redo?  A redo is when a child does something incorrectly and you ask them to redo it the right way.  For example, if a child talks back to me I ask him to redo it and talk correctly to me.  If a child doesn't wipe off the table to his/her ability we will say, "please redo the table."  If a child gets angry and hits his brother I say, "That's not appropriate.  Please redo the situation and deal with it appropriately.  Would you like some suggestions on how you can redo it appropriately?"

Redos can be done for any poor behavior, any sloppy house work, any sloppy math assignment, etc.  I especially hammer in on the whining.  If they whine when I ask them to do some something I tell them I want them to redo that.  So I'll say again, "Leader I need you to change the laundry."  Then instead of whining Leader says, "Yes, Mom."  (Actually Leader loves doing the laundry).

We do redos in our house ALL day long.  In the six plus months we have implemented them the behavior in our house has DRASTICALLY improved.  Where has the redo been my whole parenting life?

There have also been times as parents where we have also said, "I am going to redo that.  I didn't say that right."  We have had whole conversations where the parent and the child have redone it. I think our kids respect us more when we admit and work on our faults too.

Q: What if your child won't do a redo?
A: In the beginning we had one particular child that refused or would go mute.  We gave them one opportunity to redo the situation.  If they wouldn't redo it we sent them to their room (or the corner).  They had to stay there until they would redo it.  (This would also imply that there were no toys in their room.  So if there are toys perhaps telling them they can only lie on their bed or you can send them to the corner).  I haven't had a problem with a redo since the very beginning.  They didn't like getting sent to their room and they quickly decided that it was easier to just redo it right away and get it over with. 

Q: My child doesn't understand how to redo it?
A: Sometimes we either have a short discussion and offer suggestions on how to redo it and then we role play the situation again.  Or I may role play the situation for them to begin with and then they model me and redo it themselves.

Q: Do you do redos in front of other people?
A: Sometimes.  It depends on who they are.  If they are close family members or friends we do.  Usually I'll take them to the side and quickly discuss what went wrong in the situation.  Our children respond very well to redos and are more than willing to correct their behavior now.

Q: Aren't there times when you just let a poor behavior go because it's inconvenient and you don't want to ride them all day.
A: No.  My job is to teach them all the time, not just when I'm well rested and in a good mood.  The redo is never done angrily or disrespectfully so the child doesn't feel like they are being "ridden."  Also in real life there is no time during the day when poor behavior should be allowed.  Just because we or our children are tired or hungry doesn't mean we have a license to be ill behaved.

I love redos and they have changed my parenting life for the good.  I wish I had known about them years ago.  I hope they can be a blessing that you can adapt to your life.

The Sketchbook

There are so many good discussions going on here and on several other blogs I follow regarding the ebook Headgates! It is so fun to hear what you all have to say.

I've greatly reduced the art supplies and so they are no longer overwhelming. We no longer have a huge box of crayons-we have a little box of crayons! How many yellow crayons to we really need? My kids have never been much into art projects anyways. (Gee, I wonder why? Could it be because I loathe them? I've never found value in worthless crafts.) They do however thoroughly enjoy drawing one stick figure on a piece a paper with: "To Mom: I love you. Love, Creativity" written on a hundred pages.

So to solve this bunch of wasted papers and satisfy their desire to give me a love note I recently bought sketch pads for the kids. I told them how much I enjoyed all their love notes, but I kept loosing them and they were all over the place. So I said I wanted them to draw them in the sketch book. I wanted their best work and then when they were done they could give me the sketch book and this way I would be able to keep them always! I told them that whenever there was one they really wanted me to see all they had to do was show it to me. They were so excited. They all have enjoyed drawing pictures for me that I will get to keep forever. Creativity told me he was excited that I wouldn't be able to loose them this way. He also said he liked just having one place to keep everything. Determination also has made nice little drawings that he wasn't interested in before. So simplifying our craft supplies as made them focus on real projects that are nice. Success!

We put up all their extra notebooks. They still have their names on them they are just in our empty closet so they are still here. They only get to have one notebook out to keep notes in and write whatever they want. They have really liked knowing where their books are and not feeling overwhelmed with all the paper.

I have found that has I've gotten rid of things that they are actually becoming happier, more productive, and better behaved. It's all really amazing.