I had a ‘lovely’ post almost ready for publication when “poof” off went the computer and gone forever (for whatever reason) went the ‘lovely’ post. Sigh. I wrote about the purposes of Relief Society and how important it is to incorporate them into our lives. It was really just another way of saying the same things I said in a previous post, “Mom, Needs Headgates Too!” So since I have already said that I’ll move on to some fresh thoughts.
I need to let you in on a little secret. For years and years I have not felt self-worth. So dumb huh? How could I feel that when I grew up with “I am a Child of God” and the Young Women’s Program? I think that it’s because I was seeking my worth from the world. I have always been a stay home mom that has tried to do the right things. Somehow though I kept worrying about what the world was thinking about me instead of God and my husband. Let me tell you that in the world’s eye a stay home mom doesn’t earn any prizes. That was the last place the world wanted me.
I’ve mentioned many times that the last two or so years I have diligently worked on submission to my Heavenly Father. Line upon line and precept upon precept God has taught me. (See Elder Bednar’s recent Conference talks to learn more about this wonderful principle). It has just been in the last couple or so months that I have really began to see I truly do have self-worth. I no longer beat myself up about all the things I can’t “do right.” I have come to absolutely love being a nurturer. Love it! I am happy. I have peace. I have a hope in a glorious resurrection.
I have wondered how this happened. I came across a paper when cleaning out things recently and it said this,
What happens when I am temporally (or self) centered?
1. Life is not fair.
2. I am not sure I will qualify for the Celestial Kingdom.
3. I do not have enough time to get all things done.
4. I am overwhelmed.
5. I feel pressure most of the time.
6. I am not sure when the Holy Ghost is with me.
7. I rely on others to make me feel of worth.
8. I feel like a taxi cab driver.
9. My life is not mine.
10. I only enjoy the weekend.
11. I do not feel forgiven.
What happens when I am spiritually (or God) centered?
1. I feel closer to Heavenly Father.
2. I have great hope to be raised unto Eternal Life.
3. I receive more revelation.
4. What I do each day is now worthwhile.
5. I have less stress.
6. When my children make mistakes, I can handle it.
7. My feelings of self-worth have increased one hundred fold.
8. I feel free.
9. I am able to get all things done.
10. I enjoy each day.
As Elder Bednar has taught us we must submit line by line and precept by precept. As we act in faith and go through this process one day we will wake up and we will realize that we are changed. It will be a gradually change that will be so imperceptible that it seems that growth is not happening. But it is!
I have realized that little by little God has been changing me. I have been changing from a life that was temporal or self-centered to a wonderful new life that is now spiritual or God centered. I am becoming that spiritually centered person. Perhaps a number 11 could be added. I feel joy.
A life of submission is a journey that requires a lot of patience with ourselves. It requires a lot of repentance. It requires a willingness to play by Heavenly Father’s rules and not our own. Our progression is not always measurable. But it is worth it. I have a long way to go in my life, but I am beginning to truly see the blessings of submission.
My worth is no longer determined by the world’s standards or ideas. The world’s plan to push entitlements and worldly lust and pleasure on me is rejected. I know that I must stay centered in Jesus Christ. And bit by bit I can remove their damning influence in my life. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
AND I can enjoy Mother’s Day this year without a twinge of guilt or spending the whole day in tears. I am doing what my God wants. I am a mother in Zion that it building up the kingdom of God.
The above list was found in a workbook entitled, “Becoming Spiritually Centered and overcoming the World,” written by James B. Cox.