Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The First Day of Our New Life: Faith Over Fear

Liberty: 2013 Horse Grand Champion at the County Fair!
I started out the New Year planning great things for home school, family and personal enrichment.  It was going to be another great year! All was going along as I planned.  Then one day late in January while I was on a walk the Spirit said, "I want to give you some trials.  You will be strong enough to handle them. Is that okay?"  I choked.  Every worse case scenario went through my head. Of course there is only one choice.  I trust God.  I want to serve Him always.  So I took a deep breath and said, "yes." I tried not to think about it. There was no sense worrying about anything.  Faith over fear.

Then in February Mr. Patriot, my husband become sick.  Very sick.  For a month he couldn't get out of bed.  He couldn't even lift his head up.  From the very first moment that I realized he was sick the Spirit said, "He is going to be sick for a very long time.  But don't worry.  Everything will be okay."  So while many friends and family were sure that he was dying I knew he was okay.  We did due diligence and went to several doctors.  They were baffled.  He finally became well enough to do basic activities.  His energy levels fluctuate on a given day from 20-60% of his "previous life."  He often goes into shock.  I do not know why. He works 15 hours a week now as an average, but sometimes he doesn't work at all during the week .  He works from home.  He has limited energy and when its used up he's done. Some days he can do more than other days. Somedays I have to dress him.  Our life together has required getting, "a new normal."

In the meantime I have learned how absolutely amazing my sweet husband is!!! He continues to make family and church/priesthood duties a priority.  He is always smiling and happy.  He is always making jokes. He still provides for us in amazing ways.  The Lord has been very good to us and has blessed us financially and so this as not been a financial burden.  I have come to see from this experience that he is dedicated to the Lord and trusts Him always.

In June I woke up one morning with the overwhelming impression that God wanted us to put our children back in public school.  This was shocking! Never was that considered.  Never was that talked about.  There was never a chance of that happening.  Unless of course God told us to do that.  So after much prayer and fasting Mr. Patriot and I knew that this was the will of the Lord.  The kids were brave.  They took it well.  They said we will follow God and we trust you.  I knew then for sure that I had amazing kids.  This rising generation is AWESOME!!!

The rest of the summer was spent talking about being in toxic environments, being taught false things, peer pressure, being true to yourself,  etc. etc.  I felt like a train was coming and my foot was stuck in the tracks and there wasn't anything to do but to take it head on knowing that I would die. Things will never be the same again.

The first day of school came and went yesterday and the kids took it like champs.  They have amazing attitudes.  They are positive.  They are good kids and are determined to stand and "catch the wave."  They know why they are there.  They are there to show kindness, light, hope, character, and excellence.  It will be long.  It will be hard.  But I choose faith over fear. God knows what He is doing.

I felt promised from the very beginning that God will protect my children.  I felt assured that they would not be spiritually lost. When we received school blessings (in August now instead of January-EVERYTHING it seems is different in our life now!) I was told that, "nothing outside the walls of my home could destroy my children." So true.  Great promise.

This summer I had told Mr. Determination that I felt like I was sacrificing my children.  He promptly replied, "They aren't yours to sacrifice."  True again.  They are God's and I must follow His plan for them, sigh! Faith over fear.

So what am I doing with my life now?  I went through mourning in a way this summer.  My only hobby was home schooling.  So I've had to learn some hard things about myself.  God has different plans for me. Everyone in our house is creating a new normal.  That's okay, God knows what He's doing.  Faith over fear.

How is God calling you to exercise your faith over your fear?


crazy4boys said...

I don't even know what to write. I'll be praying for you all. You are an amazing woman and have an amazing family. I don't know that I'm working on any fear issues right now, it's more that I'm needing to learn humility and trust in the Lord rather than the arm of flesh. And that continual feeling to create a house of order, a house of prayer and such. Peace, my friend.

Angela S said...

Wow, that is incredible thank you for sharing. We have had similar experiences this year. In fact we have come to know when something is right because it is the opposite of what we "want" to do. It is hard. So we do it. We have been blessed for it but there is a lot of deep breathing and talking softly and slowly to work through things. We have made sacrifices we do not understand. And yes, after "only" three years of homeschooling our kids went back in April. And they were behind because we'd had some major family adjustments and priorities so they are about to start the new year in the same grade. There has been so much comfort it knowing that, while it seems we are crazy for all the things that have happened this year, we are doing as we have been asked. We are following the hard promptings of the Spirit and being strengthened for it. Today was another of those days with moments that take my breath away with possible changes and trying to adjust and accept them without 1. fear and 2. making myself sick by internalizing. Father is there, He listens, and He loves us. I agree with crazy4boys, Peace.

Rebecca said...

Sending love. It seems hard things are more and more common. Thank you for reminding me of faith not fear and remembering to trust God.

Misty said...

I love you. I understand in a small way what you are going through. Praying for your family.

Misty said...

I love you. I understand in a small way what you are going through. Praying for your family.

Juwmama said...

It's amazing to read this as after 13 years of homeschooling we are making the public school transition this year as well. The only reason? The Lord to me to do it. I cried for two months straight after receiving the message and went through mourning as well, this summer. When summer is usually the time I use to plan for the next year I honestly didn't know what to think about anymore! I told myself on the first day of school (next Wed.) I will allow myself one more day of grieving but then it's time to move on. I've told others, "When it's the Lord's direction, it's hard to be upset about it." Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope there is peace both with this transition and with your husband's condition. Thank you!

Celeste Batchelor said...

I learned a long time ago that when we do what the Lord wants us to do, we will be happy and blessed in the long run. Good luck in these new trials.

I find it ironic that I started to homeschool because of a similar reason that your children are returning to school. One of my children became extremely sick (sounds similar to your husband) and I gave up my career in education to homeschool her and then subsequently my other children as well.

Life moves in mysterious ways to our earthly eyes, but our all-knowing Heavenly Father sees what we do not. I'm happy you have the Spirit to guide you, even if it feels hard at the time.

Being A Mother Who Knows said...

You are all so very supportive and encouraging! We all have so many varied paths to walk in this life. It is fulfilling be able to learn from so many. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. It strengthens us all.

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

You are amazing. Seriously! Teaching your children how to recognize and follow the Spirit is the highest education anyone can achieve. {Read Julie B. Beck's BYU Women's Conference talk, from April 29, 2010.} If we are doing that we have no need to fear.

Thank you for sharing your story of faith!

Mary Theresa said...

I just came across your blog. I'm not LDS but I am a christian woman trying to follow Christ every day. You sharing your experiences has helped. Blessings to you and your family.